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Book by Markova Dawna
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Extrait :
Chapter One
Blaming the Victim: Disconnecting Children from Their Own Future “Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel.”
—Socrates
When we hold an infant in our arms, we all feel it—that gaping awe and amazement as we look at the prints at the ends of those tiny fingers. At that moment, it is as if a door inside our hearts opens—we feel a wave of wonder at the miracle of this child’s uniqueness and potential. My grandmother would have said that we are recognizing their spot of grace.
Before you read further, I’d like to invite you to pause and bring that moment alive again—the sensations, smells, sounds. Where were you? Who else was there? What time of year was it? What was your deepest wish in that moment? If you could have given that child a blessing, what would it have been? What did you dream for that infant? What was your commitment as a parent? And those who stand behind you—grandparents, great-grandparents, great-great-grandparents—what do you imagine were their dreams and prayers for this tiny bundle of possibility?
In that first moment and a thousand times since, you’ve probably asked yourself how you could best cultivate this being so that he or she could blossom as fully as possible. You are not alone. Parents and guardians throughout history have felt what you felt. They have whispered fiercely, tenderly, lovingly, “I want my child to succeed, to be who he or she is meant to be in this world, to be happy, to know he or she makes a difference. I want to give my child the best I possibly can.”
How does the door close? How do we all forget? Rather than cherishing all that potential, we come to see Martin as “hyperactive” instead of energetic. We think of Sally as “inattentive” instead of imaginative. We label George “oppositional” rather than independent. How do we develop a handicap of trust that limits our perception of the unique island of brilliance on which each child stands? How does our attention shift from what might be natural resources that need to be developed to what could be deficits that need to be fixed? How do we learn to limit what could be possible for our children instead of learning to champion their innate gifts?
This happens gradually, but as they go through school, we shift our focus to what’s wrong with them and how it can be fixed. This is not unique to parents. As a culture, we are experiencing a crisis of understanding that results from the way we have learned to think about our children and the challenges they face. When I was in graduate school studying clinical psychology, I was meticulously trained in the history of pathology. I could sit down with anyone and within thirty minutes, while carrying on a polite conversation, diagnose their particular neurosis down to the numerical classification code. (No wonder, at cocktail parties, when I told people I was a psychologist, they quickly moved away!)
After several years, although proficient in categorizing what was wrong with every person I met, I found myself skilled in knowing how to help someone become sick or crazy. I also found myself feeling removed, remote, and isolated from the very children I wanted to help. My supervisors commended my “professional objectivity.”
I was not atypical. Since 1947, more than $30 billion has been invested in research that follows this deficit model. “The neurochemistry of depression is much better known than that of happiness, mostly because the former has been studied more intensively and for much longer.” As author Dacher Keltner said in the January 17, 2005, issue of Time magazine, “Until a decade ago, 90 percent of emotion research focused on the negative, so there are still all these questions about positive states.”
A recent search of psychological literature revealed 50,000 articles on depression, but only 400 on joy. When my daughter-in-law, Angie, searched the Internet, she found three times as many sites dedicated to learning disabilities as to learning abilities; 746 that track failures, 127 that track successes; 42,020 sites were focused on “What’s Wrong with Me?” and 90 sites were dedicated to “What’s Right About Me?”
We have made significant progress in many areas of individual treatment, especially those using psychotropic drugs. We have gained great proficiency in focusing on individual pathology and dysfunction. However, since this deficit model locates the problem “inside” the individual person and considers meeting the needs of at-risk youth largely a task for professionals, it fosters what could be called a “them” strategy: Since the deficit is inside us (or our children or both), the solution must be outside in “them”—the experts, the schools, the government, the drugs. If they don’t fix the problem, we have someone else to blame: them. This model results in continually dedicating more resources to design more medications, treatment programs, and fixes for the “special needs” children who we categorize according to their pathologies. In October 2003, Time magazine reported that fifteen million prescriptions were written for antidepressants for children and teens. A conservative estimate states that 5 percent of American children today are being medicated for ADD/ADHD, while in England the figure is about 0.3 percent. Are we raising Generation Rx?
What effect has this deficit focus had? In the past two decades, “in the midst of unprecedented material affluence, large and growing numbers of U.S. children and adolescents are failing to flourish. In particular, more and more young people are suffering from mental illness, emotional distress, and behavioral problems,” says the Commission on Children at Risk, a group of thirty-three high-profile children’s doctors, research scientists, and mental health and youth service professionals, in their report “Hardwired to Connect.”
The report continues, “Scholars at the National Research Council in 2002 estimated that at least one of every four adolescents in the U.S. is currently at serious risk of not achieving productive adulthood.”
In the time it takes me to stare out the window and sip my iced tea, four teenagers tumble through my mind: Curtis, twelve, who doesn’t like to talk a whole lot but is completely at ease break-dancing in front of an audience of two hundred adults; Max, who has to be forced to sit and do homework but can’t wait to volunteer for the Special Olympics; Tiffany, who is considered a troublemaker because she tells it like it is even when it’s not “appropriate”; Latisha, who pushes wheelchairs in an airport after school while dreaming of being a clothes designer. Which one out of these four?
Reluctantly, I return to reading the report: “Despite increased ability to treat depression, the current generation of young people is more likely to be depressed and anxious than was its parent’s generation. . . . About 20% of students report having seriously considered suicide in the past year. . . . Death rates overall since the 1950’s have dropped by 50%, but homicide rates among U.S. youth rose by more than 130%. . . . Suicide rates rose by nearly 140%. . . .”
More children come to mind: Clayton, ten, whose teacher says he’s below grade level, while he secretly draws pictures any artist would envy; Seth, eight, who hypertexts from one imaginary world to another while his parents consider which medication to put him on because he can’t pay attention in creative writing class; Pedro, sixteen, who dreams of playing in a heavy metal band while the other kids mock his crooked teeth and skinny arms; Marc, fourteen, who just got kicked out of school for smoking pot and is being sent to boarding school in the fall. Which one of these four?
There is a tightness in the center of my chest, but I go on reading: “We are increasing our capacity to rescue children who are drowning in the river, but steadily losing ground when it comes to keeping children out of the river in the first place. . . . Treating pathology is not the same as positive youth development. The former focuses on illness and emphasizes the need to direct help to a few of us, the latter focuses on health and emphasizes the need to shift probabilities for most of us.”
What would another way of thinking about children’s challenges be? If a student drops out of school, the deficit model would have us ask: What’s wrong with this child? What’s wrong with his parents? What’s his problem? A different way of thinking would begin with a very different kind of question: What are this youth’s strengths, gifts, and talents? Are they being utilized in school? At home? When has he been successful in the past? How can he use what he’s good at to deal with the challenges he’s facing? What are the energizing and engaging forces available to him? Who does this youth have mentoring and supporting him? What conditions would make it possible for this youth to make a positive difference to his community? It would ask you, the parent or guardian, what do you cherish and appreciate about your child? How can we all nurture that? How could you do more of that?
This kind of inquiry expands our thinking, broadens our attention, connects us to possibilities, widens our options of response, and shifts responsibility for this youth’s health and development where it belongs—to all of us. The strategies that result are “us”...
Présentation de l'éditeur :
Blaming the Victim: Disconnecting Children from Their Own Future “Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel.”
—Socrates
When we hold an infant in our arms, we all feel it—that gaping awe and amazement as we look at the prints at the ends of those tiny fingers. At that moment, it is as if a door inside our hearts opens—we feel a wave of wonder at the miracle of this child’s uniqueness and potential. My grandmother would have said that we are recognizing their spot of grace.
Before you read further, I’d like to invite you to pause and bring that moment alive again—the sensations, smells, sounds. Where were you? Who else was there? What time of year was it? What was your deepest wish in that moment? If you could have given that child a blessing, what would it have been? What did you dream for that infant? What was your commitment as a parent? And those who stand behind you—grandparents, great-grandparents, great-great-grandparents—what do you imagine were their dreams and prayers for this tiny bundle of possibility?
In that first moment and a thousand times since, you’ve probably asked yourself how you could best cultivate this being so that he or she could blossom as fully as possible. You are not alone. Parents and guardians throughout history have felt what you felt. They have whispered fiercely, tenderly, lovingly, “I want my child to succeed, to be who he or she is meant to be in this world, to be happy, to know he or she makes a difference. I want to give my child the best I possibly can.”
How does the door close? How do we all forget? Rather than cherishing all that potential, we come to see Martin as “hyperactive” instead of energetic. We think of Sally as “inattentive” instead of imaginative. We label George “oppositional” rather than independent. How do we develop a handicap of trust that limits our perception of the unique island of brilliance on which each child stands? How does our attention shift from what might be natural resources that need to be developed to what could be deficits that need to be fixed? How do we learn to limit what could be possible for our children instead of learning to champion their innate gifts?
This happens gradually, but as they go through school, we shift our focus to what’s wrong with them and how it can be fixed. This is not unique to parents. As a culture, we are experiencing a crisis of understanding that results from the way we have learned to think about our children and the challenges they face. When I was in graduate school studying clinical psychology, I was meticulously trained in the history of pathology. I could sit down with anyone and within thirty minutes, while carrying on a polite conversation, diagnose their particular neurosis down to the numerical classification code. (No wonder, at cocktail parties, when I told people I was a psychologist, they quickly moved away!)
After several years, although proficient in categorizing what was wrong with every person I met, I found myself skilled in knowing how to help someone become sick or crazy. I also found myself feeling removed, remote, and isolated from the very children I wanted to help. My supervisors commended my “professional objectivity.”
I was not atypical. Since 1947, more than $30 billion has been invested in research that follows this deficit model. “The neurochemistry of depression is much better known than that of happiness, mostly because the former has been studied more intensively and for much longer.” As author Dacher Keltner said in the January 17, 2005, issue of Time magazine, “Until a decade ago, 90 percent of emotion research focused on the negative, so there are still all these questions about positive states.”
A recent search of psychological literature revealed 50,000 articles on depression, but only 400 on joy. When my daughter-in-law, Angie, searched the Internet, she found three times as many sites dedicated to learning disabilities as to learning abilities; 746 that track failures, 127 that track successes; 42,020 sites were focused on “What’s Wrong with Me?” and 90 sites were dedicated to “What’s Right About Me?”
We have made significant progress in many areas of individual treatment, especially those using psychotropic drugs. We have gained great proficiency in focusing on individual pathology and dysfunction. However, since this deficit model locates the problem “inside” the individual person and considers meeting the needs of at-risk youth largely a task for professionals, it fosters what could be called a “them” strategy: Since the deficit is inside us (or our children or both), the solution must be outside in “them”—the experts, the schools, the government, the drugs. If they don’t fix the problem, we have someone else to blame: them. This model results in continually dedicating more resources to design more medications, treatment programs, and fixes for the “special needs” children who we categorize according to their pathologies. In October 2003, Time magazine reported that fifteen million prescriptions were written for antidepressants for children and teens. A conservative estimate states that 5 percent of American children today are being medicated for ADD/ADHD, while in England the figure is about 0.3 percent. Are we raising Generation Rx?
What effect has this deficit focus had? In the past two decades, “in the midst of unprecedented material affluence, large and growing numbers of U.S. children and adolescents are failing to flourish. In particular, more and more young people are suffering from mental illness, emotional distress, and behavioral problems,” says the Commission on Children at Risk, a group of thirty-three high-profile children’s doctors, research scientists, and mental health and youth service professionals, in their report “Hardwired to Connect.”
The report continues, “Scholars at the National Research Council in 2002 estimated that at least one of every four adolescents in the U.S. is currently at serious risk of not achieving productive adulthood.”
In the time it takes me to stare out the window and sip my iced tea, four teenagers tumble through my mind: Curtis, twelve, who doesn’t like to talk a whole lot but is completely at ease break-dancing in front of an audience of two hundred adults; Max, who has to be forced to sit and do homework but can’t wait to volunteer for the Special Olympics; Tiffany, who is considered a troublemaker because she tells it like it is even when it’s not “appropriate”; Latisha, who pushes wheelchairs in an airport after school while dreaming of being a clothes designer. Which one out of these four?
Reluctantly, I return to reading the report: “Despite increased ability to treat depression, the current generation of young people is more likely to be depressed and anxious than was its parent’s generation. . . . About 20% of students report having seriously considered suicide in the past year. . . . Death rates overall since the 1950’s have dropped by 50%, but homicide rates among U.S. youth rose by more than 130%. . . . Suicide rates rose by nearly 140%. . . .”
More children come to mind: Clayton, ten, whose teacher says he’s below grade level, while he secretly draws pictures any artist would envy; Seth, eight, who hypertexts from one imaginary world to another while his parents consider which medication to put him on because he can’t pay attention in creative writing class; Pedro, sixteen, who dreams of playing in a heavy metal band while the other kids mock his crooked teeth and skinny arms; Marc, fourteen, who just got kicked out of school for smoking pot and is being sent to boarding school in the fall. Which one of these four?
There is a tightness in the center of my chest, but I go on reading: “We are increasing our capacity to rescue children who are drowning in the river, but steadily losing ground when it comes to keeping children out of the river in the first place. . . . Treating pathology is not the same as positive youth development. The former focuses on illness and emphasizes the need to direct help to a few of us, the latter focuses on health and emphasizes the need to shift probabilities for most of us.”
What would another way of thinking about children’s challenges be? If a student drops out of school, the deficit model would have us ask: What’s wrong with this child? What’s wrong with his parents? What’s his problem? A different way of thinking would begin with a very different kind of question: What are this youth’s strengths, gifts, and talents? Are they being utilized in school? At home? When has he been successful in the past? How can he use what he’s good at to deal with the challenges he’s facing? What are the energizing and engaging forces available to him? Who does this youth have mentoring and supporting him? What conditions would make it possible for this youth to make a positive difference to his community? It would ask you, the parent or guardian, what do you cherish and appreciate about your child? How can we all nurture that? How could you do more of that?
This kind of inquiry expands our thinking, broadens our attention, connects us to possibilities, widens our options of response, and shifts responsibility for this youth’s health and development where it belongs—to all of us. The strategies that result are “us”...
Dawna Markova is revolutionizing the way parents approach their children’s education. A leading educator and psychologist, she has noticed that parents tend to focus on correcting their children’s weaknesses. But in this groundbreaking book based on the world-renowned SMARTWired program, Dr. Markova demonstrates a more effective strategy that centers on building a child’s strengths. This approach not only helps children discover their passion and purpose in life, but it also instills in them a strong sense of self-worth–which in turn makes them highly motivated to learn.
A longtime teacher, Dr. Markova understands that by recognizing and developing children’s unique assets, parents can help them succeed not just in school but in life. She cites compelling anecdotes across all age groups and reveals practical strategies: the essential principles of the SMARTWired approach to learning, the three kinds of attention the human brain uses, and the five categories of children’s assets. Along the way, you will discover how to
· identify and support your child’s hidden talents
· help your child make sound decisions with confidence
· communicate on the same wavelength with your child for better mutual understanding
· nurture your child’s assets in partnerships with schools, mentors, coaches, and other resources
· free your child from societal expectations
An impassioned call to arms backed by a point-by-point plan, The SMART Parenting Revolution provides the road map for all parents looking to develop their children’s full potential.
A longtime teacher, Dr. Markova understands that by recognizing and developing children’s unique assets, parents can help them succeed not just in school but in life. She cites compelling anecdotes across all age groups and reveals practical strategies: the essential principles of the SMARTWired approach to learning, the three kinds of attention the human brain uses, and the five categories of children’s assets. Along the way, you will discover how to
· identify and support your child’s hidden talents
· help your child make sound decisions with confidence
· communicate on the same wavelength with your child for better mutual understanding
· nurture your child’s assets in partnerships with schools, mentors, coaches, and other resources
· free your child from societal expectations
An impassioned call to arms backed by a point-by-point plan, The SMART Parenting Revolution provides the road map for all parents looking to develop their children’s full potential.
Les informations fournies dans la section « A propos du livre » peuvent faire référence à une autre édition de ce titre.
- ÉditeurBallantine Books
- Date d'édition2005
- ISBN 10 034548245X
- ISBN 13 9780345482457
- ReliureRelié
- Nombre de pages228
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The SMART Parenting Revolution: A Powerful New Approach to Unleashing Your Child's Potential Markova, Dawna
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Ballantine Books
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ISBN 13 : 9780345482457
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