The Me, Me, Me Epidemic: A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World - Couverture rigide

McCready, Amy

Couverture rigide

ISBN 10 : 0399169970 ISBN 13 : 9780399169977

Editeur : TarcherPerigee, 2015

A propos du livre

Extrait :

 

Introduction

What do we see when we look at our kids? We see an imagination capable of turning your great-grandmother’s delicate candlestick into a lightsaber to vanquish enemies from the living room. An energy that drags us on a wild-goose chase all over the house and yard looking for a minuscule ballet slipper charm. And a determination that pesters us for days to let them attend an out-of-state concert, and pay for it, too. And yet, beyond the chaos, the griping and the power struggles, we see potential. And that’s why I wrote this book. I know that inside each of our precious children is the potential for something amazing: a confident adult who has the drive and ability to make her corner of the planet a better place.

You’re reading this book—and I wrote it—because there’s a force that can rob from our kids not only their imagination, energy and determination, but also their ability to live rich, fulfilling lives. It’s the force of entitlement, the idea that life owes us something, and it’s wreaking havoc on our kids’ generation. Children of all ages feel entitled to receive the best of what life has to offer without working for it, to have their whims catered to by their parents and a path paved for success. They believe the world revolves around them—who wouldn’t, when everywhere you turn you see a selfie? Over-entitled kids become over-entitled adults with the same childish attitudes, only on a greater scale. It’s a big problem, because kids who feel entitled to call the shots all the time are unable to handle it when things don’t go their way (like in the real world). What’s more, they’re just plain hard to live with!

But entitlement is not the end of your kids’ story. Imagine a home in which kids take responsibility, contribute to the family, work hard, give back, manage their own finances and feel grateful for what they have. These kids are happy and confident and will be well prepared for whatever adulthood has in store. This is the potential you see in your children—and this can be their future.

Whether you’re in the trenches of the entitlement epidemic, with kids who will barely lift their feet so you can vacuum under them, or trying to ward it off to begin with, I’m glad you’re reading this book. I’ve waded through the entitlement trenches with my own two sons and I know firsthand the challenges we parents face. And along the way, I’ve compiled thirty-five proven tools that really work to stop the entitlement train in its tracks. Your family can put an end to entitlement, too, no matter how many treats it currently takes for your kids to get through the store without pitching a fit. You can make a very real difference in a matter of days by applying even just a few of the tools and strategies you’ll find in these pages.

The Un-Entitler Toolbox strategies throughout this book will give you the confidence, know-how and even the words to say as you rid your home of the entitled behaviors that are not only driving you nuts but also giving you cause for concern about your offspring’s future. Misbehaviors and entitled attitudes (“I can have what I want when I want it!”) will melt away, as kids of all ages learn to pitch in around the house, solve their disagreements respectfully, take responsibility for their actions and even put down their smartphones once in a while. This dream is within your reach, and your kids will be better off for it.

The tools you use will bring out your kids’ very best behavior (no more chore wars, homework battles and sassy attitudes) and help them develop the responsibility, resilience and respectfulness they need for a successful adult life. You’ll do it all while you extinguish the entitlement epidemic and make your home a haven of peace in a world of entitled attitudes.

Let’s un-entitle our kids. Help them imagine new worlds (without expecting a team of workers to come in and build it for them), take on their own responsibility (without needing their hand held every step of the way) and put that determination to use serving others rather than expecting to be served. Then, and only then, will our kids unlock their potential to become their very best—without feeling entitled to it.

1

It’s the evening before Natasha’s high school graduation—and Natasha couldn’t be more miserable. She’s in her bedroom, crying tears of raw emotion over the fact that she’s out of her favorite hair gel. Her mother is too busy writing Natasha’s name in icing on six dozen cupcakes for her graduation party to rush out to the store tonight to get more. Her mom should have decorated them earlier! Still leaking tears, Natasha reenters the kitchen to let her mom know that she just has to have that special hair gel or her hair will be a huge frizzy mess and she’ll look like a total dork on her big day. After a few lame suggestions, her mom leaves the cupcakes and goes upstairs to try to squeeze out one last palmful of her own drugstore-brand styling gel and then puts away the mess of cosmetics Natasha has left out on the counter.

Natasha wanders off and texts her boyfriend to pick her up, but he’s busy with his friends. The jerk. He just saw his friends yesterday. Maybe she’ll threaten to dump him again—that’ll make him shape up. Sometimes she wonders why she even has a boyfriend. She finds her dad and remembers that she needs to ask him for extra money so she can buy a couple of new swimsuits and sandals for the season. He sees the evidence of her tears and forks over the cash. It’s not as much as she wanted, though, so he promises to put the rest on his credit card, which has been busy lately thanks to another recent purchase: a brand-new car as Natasha’s graduation present. It’s supposed to be a secret, but Natasha overheard her dad on the phone with the dealer earlier in the day. “It had better be a convertible,” she thinks.

Of course, Natasha is proud to be graduating tomorrow. After all, she managed to stay awake in most of her classes, thanks to her smartphone. Her homework took a lot of effort, but the tutor her parents hired for her was able to complete it just fine. Soon Natasha will be out in the real world, and when she wasn’t pitching a fit over having to empty the dishwasher and watch her little brother in the same afternoon, and for only $20, she was excited. Finally, she’d be an adult—able to party every night, not just Thursday through Saturday. Her parents have talked to her about enrolling in the community college and getting a job, but Natasha thinks a gap year is a good idea and no one is hiring where she wants to work. She actually inquired at both places—a clothing store and a makeup store—but her parents aren’t getting off her back. Natasha knows they’ll cool it in a week or two; it’s just this business about graduation that’s getting them all riled up.

Natasha sighs. If she can’t have her hair gel tonight, maybe she should work on her mom about letting her spend next weekend at Amber’s parents’ beach house. All her friends are going, and it wouldn’t be fair for Natasha not to go, too. Besides, Natasha is eighteen and done with school—it’s time for her to call the shots in her own life. And what a life it will be! If she could just get her boyfriend to pay attention to her, her parents to give her what she wants and a convertible, she’ll finally be happy. Look out world, here comes Natasha.

—

Look out world indeed. Natasha, in case you couldn’t guess, is a classic example of an entitled child. She lacks the ability to look beyond herself, delay gratification or work hard to achieve a goal. Nobody likes to see this in a child of any age, and it can be heartbreaking for parents when they realize their child is floundering when it’s time to leave the nest. And while Natasha probably doesn’t live at your house, some of this tale of the over-entitled may ring a little truer than you’d like. If so, you’re in good company. Most first-world parents struggle with some kind of entitlement issues among their kids.

While we might feel jealous of the kids who actually do get new cars for graduation—and a free ride in other areas of life, too—we can also feel sorry for them. If the free-car lifestyle pervades their schooling, work, relationships and leisure time, chances are they’ve rarely felt the thrill of accomplishment after giving it their best effort, the gratitude of a friend who received their much-needed help for nothing in return, the gratification of finally getting something they’ve been working or waiting for or the contentment that comes from being happy in the moment. Entitlement does more than drive parents crazy. It also robs kids of the ability to realize the best of what life has for them, while they instead chase impossible dreams.

Entitlement is certainly a big problem. In fact, it’s epidemic.

The Entitlement Epidemic

You couldn’t afford your own makeup this month because thirteen-year-old Johnny’s fluorescent orange must-have sneakers cost your entire discretionary budget. You keep a spare McDonald’s bag on hand so you can pretend to three-year-old Emma that her peanut-butter sandwich was made under the golden arches. And in order to get eight-year-old Daryl into bed, you have to let him fall asleep in front of the television, and carry him there.

Since when do parents jump through hoops at all costs to keep children happy? Since when do kids get to call the shots? The truth is kids everywhere—from toddlers to teens—are ruling the roost, and they’re not about to abandon their posts without a fight.

Entitlement happens in every family—including mine. Every one of us feels entitled to something on some level—whether it’s a stuffed animal we’ve slept with since birth, our smartphone or simply a good night’s sleep. These entitlements are all good things, and we might not be able to imagine life without them. If we think about them, we’re grateful for them—but there’s no question there are some things we take for granted. And our kids do, too.

Entitlement isn’t really a disease, but it has hit epidemic levels in our society. And it’s certainly not only rich kids who are afflicted. The entitlement problem spans classes and cultures. It’s also not only about stuff. Entitled kids believe the world revolves around them. They expect things to be done for them, a path to happiness cleared and smoothed, without putting in much effort themselves. They feel that something is wrong if they’re not happy. At any given minute they should be having the time of their lives because after all, you only live once.

How does the entitlement epidemic present in the typical household? Here are a few clues you might have an entitlement problem in your home:

   · You find yourself exasperated at your children’s demands but caving anyway.
   · You’re exhausted keeping up with the house, but everyone’s too busy watching TV to help.
   · You can’t make it through the grocery store without buying a treat.
   · You’re frequently supplementing your kids’ allowance.
   · You take responsibility for your kids by doing things for them that you know they should be able to do for themselves.
   · You resort to bribes or rewards to get cooperation from your kids.
   · You frequently rescue your kids by driving forgotten items to school or reminding them about their deadlines.
   · Your child frequently takes issue with rules and expectations at school or in activities.
   · Your child is quick to blame others for anything that goes wrong.
   · Your child tries to manipulate others to get his way.
   · Your child commonly sulks or pitches a fit when she doesn’t get her way.
   · Your child often complains of being bored and wants to be entertained by you.
   · Your child finds it really difficult to wait patiently for something he wants.

Sound like a child you know? In truth, there’s not a kid alive who doesn’t exhibit some of these symptoms from time to time. Whether you’ve got a big entitlement outbreak at your house or only a minor case, you’ll soon be able to move your kids toward greater independence, responsibility and contentment.

So What’s the Big Deal?

Leon F. Seltzer, PhD, in an article for Psychology Today,* had this to say about entitlement: “Those ‘afflicted’ with a sense of entitlement demonstrate the attitude that whatever they want, they deserve—and automatically at that, simply because they are who they are. So anything they desire, whether material or relational, should be theirs. It’s inherently justified; there’s no need actually to earn it.” We all want what we want—and we want to have it now, please. In our culture of plenty, immediate gratification is very much a reality. We can make our dreams come true on multiple levels. But are we better off for it?

Dr. Seltzer says we’re not. Over-entitled people miss out on some of the best that life has to offer. When they’re not used to persevering through multiple frustrations, they won’t know the pride that comes from achieving hard-won, worthwhile goals. When they expect raises and other rewards simply because they want them and not because they’ve earned them, they’re set up for frequent disappointment. When they attempt to make others bend to their will because they expect to be served, their relationships will wither. And when all of these combine, we have created a person who will have trouble holding down a steady job, cultivating long-term relationships and completing any task worth completing. Because over-entitled people feel as though the world owes them the best it has to offer, they will completely miss out on just that.

But entitlement doesn’t happen out of the blue. The problem begins when entitlement becomes a way of life for children. In these cases, kids rule the roost. Mom and Dad rush around trying to meet endless demands, whether that means making meat loaf three different ways to cater to discriminating appetites, rushing to the store because the six-year-old is out of her favorite toothpaste or shelling out hundreds of dollars so the fourteen-year-old can look like a minirockstar. While parents attempt to give their kids every advantage in life, kids learn that they shouldn’t have to do anything they don’t want to, they can have everything that catches their eye and they can quit whenever they want. It ends up that no one’s happy—parents are run ragged, while kids constantly find they need more, more, more! And benevolent rulers kids are not. They quickly learn to resort to whining, demanding and downright bullying to get what they want.

Entitlement doesn’t just plague our homes: it affects kids’ schoolwork, activities and friendships, too. Youngsters expect that their C effort will get A grades or that just showing up to practice will get them a starting spot on the basketball team. Friendships are self-centered, as entitled kids lack the ability to empathize and sacrifice. When problems arise, in school and beyond, anything from the wea...

Revue de presse :

"If there’s one thing parents need to teach their kids—well beyond getting into college or finding a job—it’s how to be humble, contributing citizens of the world. If you’re a weary parent trying to do just that, you’ll find encouragement and practical know-how in the clear and enjoyable pages of this book.”
—Daniel H. Pink, New York Times-bestselling author of Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us
 
“What a wonderful resource for every parent raising children in today’s self-absorbed world! A pivotal book for all parents who struggle with how to teach their children to be compassionate, empathic, and socially intelligent.”
—Dr. Shefali Tsabary, New York Times bestselling author of The Conscious Parent

“Insightful. Timely. Helpful. The ‘Me, Me, Me’ Epidemic is an important (and game-changing) read for anyone raising kids in our 24/7, give-them-whatever-they-want and never let them experience disappointment, culture. Ready to empower your kids without making them entitled? For the sake of the children, read this book.”
—Dr. Jane Nelsen, author and coauthor of the Positive Discipline series

“Do you cave in to your kids' demands even when you know it's a bad idea? Do you rescue your kids when they forget things? Do you find yourself ‘over-contributing’ to your child's school project so he can meet the deadline? Most parents do these things because they can't figure out what else to do in the heat of the moment. Amy McCready shows parents why this kind of parenting raises kids who don't learn from experience, don't take responsibility, and are no fun to live with! She describes exactly what parents can do and say to set appropriate limits and help kids develop resilience.”
—Dr. Laura Markham, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids
 
“Every time Amy McCready has been a guest on Today I have found myself agreeing with absolutely everything she says. She's a no-nonsense, commonsense communicator, and The “Me, Me, Me” Epidemic offers parents great wisdom and practical advice.”
—Kathie Lee Gifford

“I’m all for practical life hacks that make parenting easier, less stressful, and a whole lot more fun—and the strategies Amy McCready shares in The 'Me, Me, Me' Epidemic are both easy AND powerful for anyone juggling life and parenthood in today’s hyper-connected, instant gratification world. This is a must-read book, no matter the age of your kids. There are as many great tips in here for teens as there are for toddlers!
—Christine Carter, Ph.D., author of Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents and The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work
 
“The ‘Me, Me, Me’ Epidemic is probably the most important parenting book of the decade. Ms. McCready brilliantly helps us turn from unhealthy parenting to great parenting in a simple, fun and workable manner.”
—Meg Meeker, M.D., bestselling author of Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters and cohost of James Dobson's Family Talk radio show
 
“Amy McCready never fails to share the strategies parents need to empower their kids, empower themselves, and know that they are giving their children the very best start in a complicated world. The ‘Me, Me, Me’ Epidemic is a must-read for every parent who wants to raise great kids without raising their voice.”
—Michele Borba, Ed.D., educational psychologist and author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions
 
“This book immediately motivated me to stop doing things for my children that they can do for themselves. My eyes were opened to the many ways my children could contribute to the family and become prepared to thrive in the real world.”
—Rachel Macy Stafford, New York Times bestselling author of Hands Free Mama

“Thank you, Amy McCready, for writing a comprehensive, entertaining, on-point parenting guide that will become the dog-eared go-to manual for every parent who wants their child to become a happy, successful adult. Amy addresses the timeliest of childrearing challenges head-on, and then gives parents the tools to navigate through almost any situation with their child. If you want to strengthen your relationship with your child, and enhance your child’s true self-confidence and maturity, read this book.”
—Loni Coombs, author of “You're Perfect” and Other Lies Parents Tell: The Ugly Truth about Spoiling Your Kids
 
“Amy McCready has long been one of my parenting heroines. Her keen sense of what it takes to establish healthy parent-child relationships and a family that flourishes made her my ‘go-to gal’ when I needed guidance, a different perspective, or a gentle kick in the fanny to get me parenting at my best again. Amy offers parents a clear path for raising kids who see themselves as part of the larger human landscape—not the center of the universe. She makes it possible for any parent to restore balance and order to their parenting.”
—Vicki Hoefle, author of The Straight Talk on Parenting: A No-Nonsense Approach on How to Grow a Grown-Up and Duct Tape Parenting
 
"With this book, you’ll be raising a child who will put down his iPhone and fold the laundry. Amy McCready understands what kids crave: family belonging. Find out just how capable your kids can be.”
—Heather Shumaker, author of It's OK Not to Share and It's OK to Go Up the Slide
 
“Whether we like it or not, we live in a world of entitled kids of all ages and economic levels. In this book, Amy McCready offers a wonderful step-by-step guide on how to un-entitle your kids.”
—Richard and Linda Eyre, New York Times bestselling authors of The Entitlement Trap 
 
“A smart, wise, and practical book for 21st century parents, The ‘Me, Me, Me’ Epidemic offers concrete tips and strategies to develop compassionate, engaged children. Her recommendations are based on solid psychological principles and a clear understanding of what children need to thrive.”
—Marilyn Price-Mitchell, PhD, developmental psychologist
 
“With Amy McCready’s powerful insights and real-world answers, she shares how to keep entitlement at bay and raise terrific kids who are happier, healthier, better grounded, and more resilient than their over-indulged counterparts. This book is a small investment that will pay great dividends.”
—Farnoosh Torabi, financial strategist and author of Be Money Smart and When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women
 
“McCready provides step by step strategies for dialing down the stress and amping up the fun part of parenting. If you want to raise children that you will enjoy for the rest of your life, buy this book.”
—Lisa Earle McLeod, leadership expert and author of Leading with Noble Purpose: How to Create a Tribe of True Believers
 
“In a very child-centered world, it can be a challenge to raise kids with realistic expectations of what life will bestow, but this book proved to me that it’s possible, and that there’s a way of raising my daughter in a far more loving way that sets her on the path to a happier childhood and a more successful life. Thank you, Amy.”
—Faye de Muyshondt, author of Socialsklz :-) for Success: How to Give Children the Skills They Need to Thrive in the Modern World
 
“Entitlement is an epidemic. Amy McCready's book is the perfect antidote to the problem. She provides clear suggestions and guidance as to how to combat it, while promoting positivity and empowering your children. This book is a must-read for all of us struggling with the ‘me’ generation.”
—Jennifer L. Hartstein, PsyD, author of Princess Recovery: A How-to Guide to Raising Strong, Empowered Girls Who Can Create Their Own Happily Ever Afters
 
"The ‘Me, Me, Me’ Epidemic is a must read for every parent.  As a parenting professional and a parent, Amy McCready knows, firsthand, the negative effects of entitlement on a family. Interspersed among realistic anecdotes (you may wonder if she is listening at the door of your house) Ms. McCready presents a thoughtful, developmentally based, respectful approach to detangling yourself and your family from the insidious entitlement web."
—Dale V. Atkins, Ph.D., psychologist, relationship expert, and author of Sanity Savers
 
"McCready covers a wealth of suggestions for helping kids become un-entitled, along with scripts parents can use and ideas for various ages from pre-school to teen. This user-friendly guide is overflowing with practical, creative, and thoughtful strategies."
—Publishers Weekly
 
"A guide to stopping the helicoptering, lawn-mowing, and overindulging that can lead to entitled, self-centered thinking in children. McCready sorts out the sensible from the nonsense. Given the competing noise about parenting, this book should be required reading for parents."
—Kirkus Reviews

À propos de cette édition

• Éditeur: TarcherPerigee
• Date d'édition: 2015
• ISBN 10: 0399169970
• ISBN 13: 9780399169977
• Reliure: Relié
• Nombre de pages: 336