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Absolute Power of Questioning
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Great Questions = Great Answers
Regardless of your age, if you are breathing, then you are always ready for change. It might be in a relationship, a career, an old habit, an anger issue, or something that is really affecting your life. I want you to choose an issue and ask yourself, “Everything I have come to know in the last eighteen, twenty-two, forty-five, or even sixty-five years, what impact has it had in this particular area of my life? Am I happy where I am? Have I attained fulfillment? Do I feel lost and confused?”
Now think back to how many times you have asked yourself those same questions. Do you see a pattern in your previous answers and your current ones? Unfortunately, most continue on a circular train track their whole life and are never able to implement real change. First, they don’t build a belief in change, instead reminding themselves of why they think they can’t change; and second, some people just don’t know how to approach it. We are always gathering knowledge in life, but learning requires rapid action. You could watch someone change a car tire twenty times over, but unless you get down and do it, your knowledge is never tested, and you never learn. It seems a lot of us believe we are taking appropriate action yet still feel as if we have failed. This is why we must direct that energy in a way that is going to be effective and implement lasting change.
A lot of us have absorbed a lesson that if we change, then we are not being true to ourselves. Even our friends will have a dig at us and say things like “You’ve changed” in a hurtful tone. This stance overlooks two truths: Change is extremely powerful, and more important, it’s inevitable. Nothing remains the same. Every new moment, you are a new person, even physically. Not one single cell in your body has remained the same since you were born. This means we are always “becoming.” But what you are becoming depends on you. The challenge is that most people aren’t becoming what they want.
Something must change in order to grow, right? Whether it is financially, physically, emotionally, or mentally, the same rule applies. Proper questioning is the basis for directing change toward our immediate growth. It allows us to broaden the way we think and stop being narrow-minded, dismissing the false belief that “there is only one option.”
Maybe you’re asking yourself questions, but they’re disempowering ones, and they’re creating the same experiences. Stay away from such questions . . .
Why can’t I do that?
Why am I so unlucky?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why are all girls/guys the same?
All people with money have screwed someone over to get there, right?
Why can’t I enjoy life like others?
Why am I the only one faced with so many challenges in life?
When you change the way you think, you change the way you feel. When you change the way you feel, you change the way you act. When you change the way you act, you change your life. It starts by changing the way you . . . ?
Who Am I?
“An unquestioned mind is the world of suffering.”
We need to ask questions that spur growth and prevent us from feeling as if we are insignificant and worthless. It’s very important to ask and reflect on the question, “Who am I?” before anything else. This may seem a daunting question at first; however, probing deeper will unravel the truth.
Not fully acknowledging the answer may cloud what you really want and deter you from ever experiencing greatness in life. Ask what type of person you are deep down, regardless of decisions you have made in the past. A few times in my life, I’ve had people ask me, “Who are you?” But it wasn’t until I came to peace with the answer myself that I answered it with certainty.
Here are some questions that you can ask yourself to begin the process of self-reflection. These are questions I asked myself, but remember that everyone has moments when they fail to express their true character. For example, don’t fixate on one time when you were mean and selfish if you know you’re a loving person deep down. Take a few seconds to think as you go through each question.
Am I a loving person?
Am I respectful?
Am I compassionate?
Am I generous and sharing?
Am I honest?
Am I grateful?
After going through those questions, did your mind automatically begin to remind you of times that you weren’t that person? If that was the case, it’s because your mind is still conditioned to looking at experiences, and especially yourself, in the worst possible way. If you are human, then I’m sure there have been times in your life when these positive attributes haven’t been displayed. I’m definitely guilty of that, but it doesn’t alter the fact that you are not that person deep down. Realistically, if you were doomed by every choice you made in life, you wouldn’t even be reading this right now. So don’t deliberately remember the times you fell short; be intelligent and focus on the times you did display these qualities. Now, run through the questions again, but in addition ask this: “When was a time that I did display this quality?” After you do, come back and read on.
The more you focus on being that great person, the more invigorated and energetic you feel. Did you feel proud of yourself when you went back to that moment? How did it compare with focusing on not being that person? Reminding yourself of these essential values to gain fulfillment will give you incentive to use them more often.
If you truly don’t think you are that great person, ask yourself, “How can I be?” and you will instantly be flooded with ideas. Further to that, if you don’t want to be that great person, then unfortunately that’s the reason you are unfulfilled in the first place, never experiencing the true essence of life. In my opinion, that is a very sad life to live, and one I wouldn’t accept for all the money in the world. The challenge isn’t knowing who you are as a person, it’s having the courage to act like the person you are.
It seems that we are almost separated into two parts. One part is the “Me” and the other is the “I.” The “Me” is all the social tags we adopt. For example, it is my duty to be a friend, a son, a brother, an author, and so on. It so happens that I am all these things, but weirdly enough, when I’m all alone and away from these duties, I find myself not being any of them. That’s when I finally discover that the “I” is who I really am. It’s those qualities within me, that diversity and ability to be everything and at times nothing. There are also times when you’ll feel alienated from the world, and that’s because people won’t always understand the “I.” But they don’t have to—you do. It’s not until you are aligned with who you really are as a person, not who society brands you, that you will be eternally happy and live passionately every moment.
I’ve experienced this personally. The outside pressure to be something in particular, to choose an identity and stick to it, created an expectation of myself that only made me feel worse. Every time I was sad, I was disappointed in myself because I thought I had to be happy. When I was weak, I thought I always had to be strong; when vulnerable, always secure. I had to finally accept that I’m human, and that it’s okay to be different at different stages of my life. To feel differently, to think differently, to act differently. But the greatest thing I realized about being who I was is that I am human! And being human, I have these amazing qualities within me, at my disposal. That’s what I built on—knowing that my great qualities could shape my life just as much as my “bad” ones that I used to focus so much on.
I invite you to do the next task, which is life-transforming:
1. Take five minutes and really reflect on those “Am I” questions. Make sure you don’t rob yourself of this opportunity. These are life-changing exercises. Write these down. Do not go on to Task 2 until you have completed this one.
2. Now swap the “Am” and the “I” around. It should now read “I am” followed by the quality. Write them down.
3. Next, take another few minutes and reflect on the new list you have written down. Close your eyes and repeat them in your mind or say them out loud. Just make sure all your focus is on those qualities that have the power to change your life. It’s usually not being sure of who we are that causes so much confusion when it’s time to make a big decision. This creates clarity.
If you’re in a public place and you don’t really want to scream how great you are, I suggest you do it in your mind for now. And don’t forget to focus on how you feel when you read each “I am” statement: FFF (Full Focus on Feeling).
I don’t even need to know you to know that you’re a big softy deep down. By reaffirming those statements, you align yourself with who you really are. It’s a very important key to finding happiness or success at any level. If completed correctly, that exercise is invigorating and fulfilling. See how easy it is to fill ourselves up once we focus all our energy on the qualities of life? That exercise can be done for any issue that you are facing to gain a clear consciousness, and I highly advise you do it on a daily basis for a while, especially when you wake up. I would never suggest something here that I don’t personally do or use for others. I have used this on some of the most successful and fulfilled people I know, and it adds massive value to their life.
The qualities mentioned above are just some examples; I’m sure you can think of more. You must start with “I am,” followed by a quality. Now that you covered some qualities that reflect who you really are, it allows you to properly assess decisions you make on a constant basis.
I’ve also come to the conclusion that all human beings have the same true essence, regardless of religious background, social status, or past decisions. I have spoken to people from all walks of life, even some hardened criminals, and never had anyone refuse, after enough probing, to finally admit that they are all those great qualities deep down. We are human and such qualities have been in us since birth. That’s why babies bring so much joy to the people around them—like when you go to someone’s house and everyone runs up to the baby. We nearly get into arguments over who’s going to hold it first. It’s amazing, and that’s because babies just are who they are, pure love. They have not been restricted by social myth, and ego has yet to take control over their life. You must understand that your truth will never go away, and will always be there to correct you when you feel otherwise. It is also accessible for growth and learning; hence we can relate who we really are to any situation and any decision.
"This is the ultimate book for personal growth. It helps you find clarity within yourself regardless of where you are in life." —Torrey Smith, Philadelphia Eagles, Super Bowl XLVII champion
"Who Says You Can’t? You Do offers clear and actionable steps for developing a winner’s mental state and ultimately to live a fuller and more successful life. I highly recommend this book!" —Natalie Eva Marie, WWE pro wrestler and actress
"Your book made me make some hard decisions about friendship. It made me look at life in a more peaceful way. I started the book with a lot of questions that I thought people would help me answer, but now I realize I already have the answers to most of them within myself. I would love to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your knowledge! I can’t explain how much it inspired me." —Nada, Copenhagen, Denmark
"Thank you for writing this manual for life. I basically use it as a bible." —Kaleigh, Toronto, Canada
"When I have tough days I always turn back to your book and your words to put me right back on track." —Haley, Sydney, Australia
"Your book has been key to my emotional growth as well as my financial growth. Thank you so much for the push because since then I have progressed quite a bit, and I don’t plan on slowing down." —Luke, Buenos Aires, Argentina
"You saved my life." —Jeanie, Georgia, USA
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Description du livre Harmony, 2018. Paperback. Etat : new. N° de réf. du vendeur 9780525573616
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