Don't Cry: Conquer - Couverture souple

Bell, Xaviera

 
9781071453797: Don't Cry: Conquer

Synopsis

Don’t Cry.. Conquer!, is a work produced through grief and desperation. I recall the medical staff at UNC telling me that my son wasn’t going to live after it was determined that I was dilating at 21 weeks and 6 days. I remember the overwhelming sense of fear and rage overcoming me. How was I going to say hello and goodbye? Frankly, how was I going to live after his death?I sat in my hospital bed with eyes puffy because of days of crying. During those days, God and I had a pow wow. The only question that I had for him was simply, “Why?” There was nothing more that I needed on this day or the days and weeks to come. I just wanted to know why I couldn’t keep Xander. I wanted to know what it was going to hurt for me to keep him. I wasn’t prepared but I was ready for him! What I determined in that place of darkness and pain was that I was going to ensure that Xander was as purposeful in his death as he would’ve been in his life. I immediately set action to my desire. I started to work on his nonprofit organization, Zeal of Xander, Inc. I immediately started forming relationships with community partners and getting the word out about Xander and his life. The valuable lesson that I have learned during this time is that I cannot be emotional and effective simultaneously. The most important takeaway from this moment is, the one person that I have to live with daily is me! It is my obligation to ensure that I am happy, that I am healthy on every level, and that I am satisfied. This does not include the thoughts of others.Know this. It is okay to be down. It is okay to be in a place that is so heavy with grief that you can’t seem to breath. What is not okay is to live there and allow your purpose and passion to malnourish. Let’s do this. Let’s walk this thing out together. Let’s wipe the tears away. Let’s grab this bull by the horns, stare it in the eye, and let it know that it doesn’t win! You lose! You didn’t kill me! You can’t debilitate me! I came to CONQUER! And I’m not leaving here until I do!

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