No Contact: How Extreme Ideology Broke Families and Friendships and How We Can Repair Them - Couverture rigide

Mering, Noelle

Couverture rigide

ISBN 13 : 9798217152001

Editeur : Forum Books, 2026

Synopsis

From the acclaimed author of Awake, Not Woke comes this incisive exposé of the widespread, politically motivated no-contact movement that deconstructs the ideology behind this trend and equips readers to avert estrangement and repair broken relationships.

“Refusing easy villains or easy redemption, this book honors the difficult terrain between injury and reconciliation.”—Joshua Coleman, author of Rules of Estrangement

A new form of relationship estrangement is afoot. Whereas, in the past, relationships tended to rupture over issues like abuse, today, people are increasingly estranged because of politics. More than sixty-eight million Americans are currently alienated from close family members. Though going no contact is frequently framed as an act of empowerment and self-care, behind the numbers are millions of hurting people—and an ideology that threatens not only relationships but the entire fabric of society.

In No Contact, author Noelle Mering weaves together interviews with historical research to identify five major factors that have given rise to the no-contact movement: identity politics, demythologization of the family, therapeutic culture, infallibility of victimhood, and cultural narcissism alongside spiritual decline. By laying bare the forces behind this destabilizing movement—and how they affect us on personal, familial, and social levels—Mering helps readers see clearly what is happening, confront it, and work with their families to heal, repair, and strengthen relationships.

More than just a critique, this book is a call to action. By bringing light to an experience that is often shrouded in shame or presented far too reductively to a cheering online audience, No Contact empowers readers with a clear-eyed and compassionate perspective that rejects the pernicious ideology undermining our most intimate and necessary relationships. The stakes are high. If we cannot hold fast to one another in the face of disagreement, we risk losing not only our most intimate bonds but also the foundation of a free and humane society.

A propos du livre

À propos de l'auteur

Noelle Mering is a fellow at the Washington D.C.-based Ethics and Public Policy Center. She is author of Awake, Not Woke: A Christian Response to the Cult of Progressive Ideology and co-author of the popular Theology of Home book series. She writes on culture, politics, and religion and has published in National Review, Newsweek, Daily Wire, The Federalist, The American Mind, Catholic World Report, and National Catholic Register. Noelle has been featured multiple times on Fox News (including Primetime), EWTN, in various documentaries, and numerous radio shows and podcasts. She is a highly sought-after public speaker on topics of family, human flourishing, and navigating the complexities of hot-button ideologies with grace. Noelle is a wife and mother of six children in Southern California.

Extrait. © Reproduit sur autorisation. Tous droits réservés.

1

The New Shape of Estrangement

Jack and Genevieve, empty nesters living in a leafy suburban neighborhood outside Chicago, had always shared a close and affectionate relationship with each of their five children, but their bond with their eldest, Liam, grew more distant after he finished college. Liam began expressing a newfound skepticism about the Christian faith in which he was raised. What began as doubt only grew, and eventually Liam, now a physicist, concluded he was an atheist. Jack was deeply saddened. Genevieve was more sanguine about it. Regardless, Liam and the family maintained their warmth and an easy, regular connection.

Things changed in 2020. Between the pandemic and the unrest following the death of George Floyd, much of the world felt on edge and, like in so many other families, what had once been easily overlooked differences suddenly seemed urgent and unavoidable. That same year Liam fell in love with a colleague, Krista, a slight and ethereal beauty with an intelligence that matched Liam's. The two bonded over social issues they cared about deeply and their common frustration with what they saw as the provincial intolerance of half the country.

Jack and Genevieve and Liam's siblings embraced Krista, including her at all family events from baby showers to barbecues. Krista was more skeptical and perhaps unsure of their sincerity, seemingly testing them at times by making a point of wedging political comments into apolitical conversations. Some of the siblings felt this was off-putting and condescending, but Jack and Genevieve assured them that, while challenging, these were the natural growing pains of merging lives with very different outlooks. Upon Liam and Krista's request, they even agreed to keep one room in the house for Krista to retreat to when she needed to take a mental health break from them because of her discomfort with their differences.

The following year Liam and Krista announced their engagement. Liam's sisters offered to throw a bridal shower, and the parents had them over for a champagne toast. After the toast Krista announced she needed to make sure they all understood that, despite the engagement, their marriage might be open. For Krista, this felt like an important moment to be transparent with her future family. For Jack and Genevieve, this felt like an unnecessarily aggressive confrontation; they didn't want to know the inner workings of the couple's sexual life. They didn't argue, but the rest of the evening was chilled, and the conversation strained.

Liam emailed the family shortly after to let them know that vaccination would be a requirement for all guests attending their spring wedding. For Liam and Krista, the shot was a necessary step toward ending a scary chapter in the country and a duty of a responsible citizen. For the rest of the family, the coercion and censorship surrounding the discussion of the vaccine didn't engender trust in either its efficacy or its safety. They had quietly made the decision to avoid it and communicated this to Liam.

For the young couple, this decision was intolerable. Jack and Genevieve offered to self-isolate the family prior to the wedding and take multiple tests to ensure they weren't carriers of the virus, but Liam insisted that the vaccine was nonnegotiable. If they loved him, he insisted, they would do the right thing.

Liam and Krista felt the family was recalcitrant. Liam's parents and siblings felt the same about him. Both the family and the engaged couple believed the others had drawn a line in the sand that effectively elevated ideology over family. In an email to his parents and siblings, Liam expressed his bewilderment at their choice to not attend his wedding by refusing the vaccine. Jack, Genevieve, and Liam's siblings replied that it was Liam who had forced this situation by not accepting their offers of compromise.

With neither side willing to budge further, Liam and Krista made the decision to end contact with the family. They haven't spoken in more than three years.

•

The true story of Jack and Genevieve's family is sadly not an outlier. Family estrangement—or going no contact—isn't a new phenomenon. But in recent years it has gained significant visibility. Unlike previous decades when estrangement was often shrouded in shame and secrecy, today it's more openly discussed and sometimes celebrated as an act of courage and self-care, calling into question long-held social norms and beliefs about the importance of family. Digital platforms like TikTok, Reddit, and YouTube play a significant role in normalizing and amplifying stories of estrangement. Popular hashtags such as Toxic Family, Narcissistic Parent, and Childhood Trauma offer a wealth of advice on going no contact. These platforms provide validation and community for individuals grappling with the decision to sever family ties, making estrangement more palatable.

Estrangement is less stigmatized today; it's also on the rise. A Cornell study found that approximately 27 percent of Americans are estranged from a close relative. That is roughly sixty-eight million people. The reasons for this growing phenomenon are contested. Some suggest that destigmatization acts as a necessary corrective, giving permission to people who need to cut ties but fear social stigma. Others, including clinical psychologist Joshua Coleman, author of Rules of Estrangement, propose that the proliferation of discussion on estrangement on social media can also create a kind of social contagion: "Cutting out your toxic family member is becoming sort of an act of personal expression and identity, rather than what it often is, which is an expression more of avoidance." The two explanations are not mutually exclusive: destigmatization can increase willingness in a good way, while normalization increases frequency by lowering the bar for severance in a way that can be damaging.

That our culture has destigmatized estrangement suggests that we have changed our minds about some of our most serious guiding principles. Many young adults perceive family relationships as chosen and conditional, hinging on shared values and mutual respect. Political and cultural divides within families can quickly take on a more intense and dire tone, with ideological differences increasingly cited as key reasons for estrangement (rather than abuse, for example). As a point of comparison, while approximately one in four Americans experience family estrangement, one in five experience estrangement over a political or ideological divide. This phenomenon of politically driven estrangement isn't particular to people of faith, but I have found that they are disproportionately represented among those who have lost contact with family because of schisms over political or religious views.

This escalation of politically driven estrangement can unmoor society for generations to come. For centuries, close family bonds have been considered central to personal and communal well-being, yet for many today, family relationships are increasingly perceived as obstacles to mental health and personal growth. The generational divide underscores this change: A recent YouGov poll found that 70 percent of individuals aged sixty-five and older prioritize family relationships as most important, compared with only 50 percent of adults under thirty. Younger generations often prioritize friendships or chosen communities over traditional family ties.

In 2024 The New Yorker examined this rising phenomenon in a long essay, "Why So Many People Are Going 'No Contact' with Their Parents." The author profiles a young woman, Amy, whose story mirrors Liam's. Like Liam, Amy didn't experience any of the historically common reasons for estrangement such as abuse, addiction, divorce, or mental illness. Amy also had a religious upbringing that she began to question in college and eventually jettisoned.

Most strikingly, both Liam and Amy took the terminal step to go no contact over the issue of their parents' refusal of the vaccine for their weddings. Amy's mother also sought some sort of compromise that would allow them to attend while distancing. "I beg of you, do not respond to this imperfect email with anger," her mother pleaded. "Please see the love behind it."

In reply, Amy sent a short email offering two choices: get the vaccination and attend or don't attend at all.

A few months after the wedding, Amy asked for all contact to end. She struggled with the sadness of it but explained that, to reestablish connection, she would need not merely an apology or a smoothing over but a real commitment from her family to do a lot of work. She believed it was unlikely, so rather than holding on to false hope, she pressed on with her decision as the best way to move forward. She blocked family members' phone numbers and marked cards they sent "Return to Sender."

Despite the similarities between the stories of Amy and Liam, ideological estrangement didn't originate in 2020. While research remains relatively new, many experts agree that the phenomenon had been quietly building for at least a decade prior. The year 2020 did mark a pivotal turning point, though. The pandemic lockdown led to a steep decline in mental health and a dramatic rise in anxiety and isolation, with many flocking to online forums and communities in search of connection and meaning. The nation was simultaneously embroiled in racial tensions that spilled into the streets, and political divisions calcified among neighbors, friends, and families. In some ways 2020 can be defined as the year we all became strangers and threats to one another.

Détails de l'édition

• Éditeur: Forum Books
• Date d'édition: 2026
• Langue: anglais
• ISBN 13: 9798217152001
• Reliure: Relié
• Nombre de pages: 288
• Coordonnées du fabricant: non disponible
• Personne responsable: non disponible