One thousand kilometres. One pair of flip-flops. No idea.
The plan was to walk across India, from the Buddha's fig tree to the Taj Mahal. National Geographic spreads. A Discovery Channel special. It lasted ten kilometres — undone not by tigers, malaria, or bandits, but by a man in a knitted sweater who thought Mark Walters looked unusual.
What follows is the journey he took instead: buses, trains, and whatever else would have him, from the Himalayas to the Bay of Bengal.
He fails at yoga; is groped, propositioned, blessed; robbed of his dignity by a camel, and out-negotiated by a twelve-year-old with one eye. He visits a town taking orders from a dead Frenchwoman called The Mother, drinks a bhang lassi that turns a quiet afternoon into a hostage situation inside his own skull, and is comprehensively dismantled by a Keralan assessing his marriage prospects. ("Maybe you are not as good as you think.")
And between the jokes, the other India: a monument in McLeod Ganj to a hundred and thirty-eight people who set themselves on fire, a girl practising her typing on a computer that will never switch on, and — in the last hours of the last chapter — the one person in all of India he turns around and goes back for.
Funny, filthy, and considerably more honest than it intends to be, Indiaish is a book about going somewhere to be transformed and being comprehensively outclassed by the place instead. It contains no epiphanies. That is not an oversight.
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