The Hilarious New Book by Matt Bird
Over the past 20 years, I have seen it all! Whoever says nothing surprises them should become a cleaner. There have been surreal moments, like finding £2,000 in cash under a bed, finding a dead goat in a public toilet, and finding used condoms lying around an old biddy’s house. I have done around 500,000 cleaning hours in my lifetime. And they say men who do more housework get more sex! I can assure you that part is not true! So, I’ve decided to write a book, and literally dish the dirt! This book is for all you people who have ever looked down upon me and treated me like something you trod in. You might have laughed at me, but I’m about to have the final laugh! Oh, and for all you unsung heroes out there who undertake cleaning, and supermarket trolley pushers for that matter, you have my heartfelt respect. Some stories are shocking, other stories are funny, some are so disturbing. I still wonder how I didn’t end up in therapy. However, all the stories are true. Identities have been changed to protect the innocent and to avoid unnecessary legal proceedings. Otherwise, I have maintained the honest integrity of each confession, no matter how painful or squeamish. So, from being a remi-unit reject to a cleaning company magnate, this is my story.
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