Foreword by Dr. Phil McGraw
Attention deficit disorder (ADD) is a major challenge for many families in this century. The needs and unresolved challenges of children with ADD are affecting virtually every school in this nation, and a high number of adult issues in the workplace have been linked to adult ADD. Children are our most valuable asset, yet many of our children with the greatest potential are being left on the sidelines.
There is good reason to believe that there are multiple reasons for the upsurge of ADD. The growing toxicity of our nation, the breakdown of family stability, the increasing distractions of technology and video games, and the possible role of various viruses are all areas of concern. However, regardless of the cause, I have seen few solutions or approaches that hold out much promise or hope to the families who are overwhelmed by the diagnosis. I hear the despair and frustration expressed by parents as they go from one source to another with the same result? failure. Too often the label of ADD becomes a stigma of long-term problems that will never go away.
We are not doing enough as a nation to help children and families overcome the challenges of ADD. The majority of our convicts in prisons can be diagnosed with ADD, yet we have no programs for children to avert this outcome or to offer adequate treatment. Most teachers and parents do not know what to do for children with ADD, although they are bright and eager to learn. Some parents are so frustrated in their dealings with the educational system that they have decided to homeschool their children.
Most people know me by some of my pet phrases, and one is very appropriate to the current ADD situation: Is this working for you? The fact is that no one fully understands the problem of ADD, only the symptoms. I feel that as a psychologist with a specialization in behavioral medicine, I should be able to read the literature and determine whether someone has nailed down a cause-and- effect. But what I have discovered is that there are a lot of people trying to stick their finger in the dike, hoping the flood of questions will go away.
What Dr. Lawlis is trying to do in this book is to help families understand their own child and what ADD means to them. He has recognized that this condition can mean many things and have many causes. Parents do not need academic explanations. They do not need prescriptions for a medication that may not work. And they certainly don?t need prescriptions for a medication that can have tragic side effects. Parents need an understanding of what their child is experiencing personally and a plan for the whole family to implement. Dr. Lawlis offers a step-by-step approach focused on accurate assessment and individualized solutions. In this way, progress can be measured and reinforced. He offers ways and methods to meet the educational and practical needs of children who suffer the academic and social stigma of ADD whatever their strengths or deficits. He supplies the biological and psychological basis for each approach, and he has also applied them in his own practice to be sure they are safe and effective.
But more than a gentle plan and personal assessments, this book offers the most advanced approaches available for the treatment of ADD. Perhaps it takes someone with a research background and clinical passion to be able to address and appreciate the progress that most people simply do not know about. Most of the innovations Dr. Lawlis describes have been widely used in the world of behavioral medicine, but they may take ten years or more to become common throughout the educational, psychiatric, and psychotherapeutic fields. But for the reader, they are accessible now in this book. Not all the paths Dr. Lawlis suggests are required for any one individual, but through concerted effort, the parent can become the expert and the child the hero.
When I am placed in a position to help people, I try to ask myself what it is that has caused a person to try and fail in the past, and what it is it that can be offered to change that outcome. I am not known for being a theoretician and for making global statements about the theoretical scope of the human brain. But I am known for putting things in understandable terms and giving people a way to use that information in their lives on an action-oriented basis. I like approaches that have verbs in the solutions. And that is exactly what this book about ADD offers.
My approaches are based on how well people find solutions to the goals they set and then how effectively they act on those solutions. I want you to ask yourself: Are you and your child making measurable progress in dealing with ADD? Are your family interactions improving? Is your child modifying his temper in the classroom or his acting out at the teacher? If not, I would ask you to investigate other paths and seek out new skills and methods.
As I observe the situation of children with ADD and think about everything Dr. Lawlis says within the book, I come to one immediate conclusion: the family has to step up to meet this challenge. Parents cannot remain in the denial stage one day longer. Although I suspect that it can be very scary rubbing elbows with all those doctors and teachers, you have to reach down and bring up the courage to make your child?s needs known and become an active participant from now on. In order to do that, you need cutting-edge knowledge. The book you are now holding, in my personal and professional opinion, holds that knowledge.
To tell you the truth, I was not surprised to see this book written by Dr. Frank Lawlis. He was my major professor in my doctoral studies program at the University of North Texas. He has been a trusted friend and mentor for almost thirty years. I have reveled in the innovations he has pioneered in his clinical work, which have earned him the coveted title of ?Fellow? in two divisions of the American Psychological Association for his scientific contributions in the field. Dr. Lawlis has created many of the behavior medicine protocols for chronic pain, rehabilitation, and cancer that are practiced throughout the world, and his new clinical research efforts are concentrating on neurological impairments, such as ADD.
Based on my trust in Dr. Lawlis and my respect for his integrity and unselfish desire to help people, I have every confidence that you will find powerful answers in this important book. Make a plan, as Dr. Lawlis proposes, and create a purposeful direction. Make it work for you with a purpose.
Nothing comes easy that has true value, and your family is vitally important. I believe that what Dr. Lawlis promises is a path of success. But you are going to have to find it. It will not be given to you, and it is unlikely that you will absorb all the answers you need in one reading or while you sleep. Take this book seriously, and I believe that your returns will be tremendous.
Preface: Sharing the Journey
I did not begin to write this book last year or the year before that. I started this book when I was born, and I have edited it ever since.
My birth was an ordeal for both my mother and me. She was given too much pain medication, by accident. Her labor was halted, and I was declared dead while still in the birth canal. A few hours later it was clear the doctor was wrong, but that did not stop him from issuing another diagnosis that was equally dooming: I was mentally defective due to oxygen deprivation. He told my parents there was no hope that I would progress in school, and he warned that sooner rather than later, I would cease to learn.
Being unaware of my limitations, I found that in a variety of settings, I could fake it until I made it. I developed ways of compensating for my problems much of the time, such as avoiding handwriting by means of self-imposed bruises on my right hand and requesting oral tests. I could not?and still cannot?read my own writing, though I finally developed my own style during my internship. During most of the third, fourth, and fifth grades, my world was like Mardi Gras. The letters would dance off the page when I tried to focus on my reading. When the teacher presented some topic for learning, my mind played tricks on me, such as counting every other word in her sentences, or making up new sentences, or finishing her sentences with my own version. I cannot tell you how many times I got busted for laughing at my own internal comedies. Church represented a host of materials for my imagination, especially from the hymnals.
I suspect that what kept me out of juvenile detention, especially in later years, was my parents, my sister, and the typewriter. All were teachers to me then, and later in my professional life, so I was very, very lucky. With the patience of Job, my father spent endless nights teaching me how to befriend numbers rather than fear them as my enemies. I remember one of the first things he told me: ?Write your numbers big enough so you can read them.? That was an amazing concept to me because I had been writing them in small little messes, with the thought of saving paper or for some other crazy rationale that escapes me. That task required some basics in organization, too, because he also made me line my numbers up in some order.
My sister brought in her typewriter when I was in the fourth grade, and I found that I could actually make out my own words. Finally I could reread what I had written, and I could begin to understand the mechanics of a sentence. Wow! (I cannot tell you of my rebirth when word processors arrived.) My mother was my cheerleader. Whether or not I would ever be a high school graduate did not matter to her as long as I had a mission to be the best person I could be. If this sounds like Forrest Gump, it may be accidental, but I sure identified with that character.
Many of the paths in this book are examples of things I learned as a means to ?make it through.? My highest goal in school was junior college, but I survived college, with a major in mathematics. (What else?) Then I began to explore the world of books, and could actually read one all the way through. What a concept! But I learned that I needed to read fast in order to keep my mind from wandering into some interesting story of my own. Two master?s degrees and a Ph.D. later, with over a hundred research articles written and multiple books, I am still creating more stories in my head than Stephen King, and juggling at least four projects at one time.
But this book is not about my journey. This book is based on the hope seen in the faces of thousands of children and adults I?ve met on their pilgrimages in the miracle we call life. One of the most incredible blessings in my life has been to witness people on their healing journeys. I do not have to try to convince myself that individuals can be successful at any challenge. I have seen and known the spirit that lies within each of us that pushes us onward toward our destinies.
I have rarely seen people who are happy all the time, and just as rarely have I seen people who are sad all the time. The goal of life is not to be happy, because that is a transitory state. Regardless of what our circumstances are and what our challenges are, I believe that we learn to live our lives according to the unique contributions we make for one another and for ourselves. It may be difficult to witness your child attempting to cope with the challenges of ADD. It may trigger your own confrontation with what it means to be a parent. But you do have a choice in your reactions. You can choose to label yourself and your child as victims of a harsh and stupid disorder, or you can actually embrace the challenge to become a hero and a star who can model the best possible response. You can learn to trust yourself and your creative senses. You might even learn that you are truly beloved by God.
ONE
Taking a Step on the Healing Path
This book was written from my heart, soul, and mind for the sake of our children, because we are on the edge of crisis. I have seen too many children and families suffering because they lack plans and solutions for managing the realities of ADD. No one has been giving families tools they can use to take charge of the problem themselves, but I will. No one has been giving families the means to understand and assess the specific problems their child faces as a result of ADD, but I will. No one has been giving families clear action plans that will guide them toward success, but I will. It is with these goals in mind that I have written this book.
As a researcher and someone who is personally invested in helping people, I want you to know that I base all therapy on truth. And I will tell you the truth about why I am so passionate about writing this book. My interest in medicine and healing began when I was a child, growing up with a mother who had numerous surgeries, spread out over many years. Being a good son, my first career choice was to be a traditional doctor. However, I soon became aware of the limitations of medicine, and I eventually chose to become a psychologist who worked in the medical field. I quickly discovered that there are often a number of approaches to diseases and conditions that are very effective and scientifically valid but that never see the light of day. Many of these alternative treatments take longer than the typical seven minutes currently allowed in the doctor?s office, so the traditional medical solution?a pill?is usually prescribed without even a brochure explaining the medical alternatives.
In all truth, ADD cannot be treated in seven minutes or in seven days, and probably cannot be treated in a doctor?s office. It has to be approached in the home, where there is a higher calling than just getting a child to be quiet and conform to the rules for a while. This book, then, is written for the family. It offers new and exciting approaches, with action plans as well. But this is not a gift that cures the problem by itself. It is a path?a healing path that with effort and focus can and will shift the impact of your child?s ADD from disaster to growth as your child becomes the human being he or she is truly destined to be.
It is critical for you to keep something in mind from this point forward: you and your family can beat this thing. It will not destroy your lives, your values, or your dreams. God did not invest ADD with that kind of power over you. ADD is challenging. It is confusing. But I?ve helped thousands of patients find hope and renewal.
Your job will be to stay strong and to keep things in perspective. This is a considerable challenge, but it is one you and your child can handle, just as others have. Remember, the measure of our character is how we respond to life?s challenges.
If you are a parent who is new to the challenges of ADD, you need to begin this journey with two guiding thoughts:
? You must commit yourself to a long and deep study of ADD. It impacts every realm of experience for you and your child?social, educational, and spiritual. So you must become both an expert and an advocate.
? You must be willing to reach out for help and support. Even the most determined people can do only so much. We all have limits to our reserves of courage and energy. Do not be too proud...
