Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life: At Home, at Work, with Friends

--Tucsoncitizen.com

"5 THINGS WE LEARNED FROM.... FREEING YOURSELF FROM THE NARCISSIST IN YOUR LIFE By Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D. (Tarcher/Penguin) According to the psychotherapist author, narcissists are people with extreme senses of superiority who possess no empathy. Martinez-Lewi believes that high- level narcissists are unlikely to change, so she offers methods for readers to maintain personal boundaries, remain psychologically secure and live the life they choose.

1. As our culture has emphasized financial success and fame, we have begun rewarding high-level narcissism

2. There is such a thing as healthy narcissism. He or she "has a firm realistic sense of self.

3. "A successful narcissist deludes others into believing he is genuinely interested in them."

4. To withstand an eruption of ego from a narcissist, one must be psychologically grounded. "A grounded individual is secure and calm; he feels solid at his center."

5. The world of a narcissist is often complicated. To combat being part of that world; simplify your own.

Chris McNamara, CHICAGOTRIBUNE.COM

This book's title makes a promise it doesn't keep. Martinez-Lewi, a marriage and family therapist, devotes more space to describing what she calls the classic high-level narcissist: charming, manipulative, needing to maintain a facade of perfection and power. But one can't always free oneself from narcissists (at work, for instance) except emotionally, which is the focus of her advice, when she gets to it. For the first 160-odd pages, the reader is treated to a melodramatic, vitriolic and metaphor-heavy (we have been through the forests and thickets of the inner and outer world of the narcissistic personality) outpouring of loathing for these impossible people. The juiciest parts of the book describe historical figures such as Ayn Rand, Pablo Picasso and Frank Lloyd Wright as prisoners of their own narcissistic personalities. As for her plan to free oneself from narcissists, she makes it sound more like a battle plan than self-help, involving guerrilla, spy-counterspy and cat-and-mouse strategies. In the end, it amounts to being true to yourself and practicing meditation to stay grounded. (Jan.)

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"FREEING YOURSELF FROM THE NARCISSIST IN YOUR LIFE by Linda Martinez- Lewi,PhD (Tarcher/Penguin) may just be the best investment you will make this year as a guide to recognizing, coping with, and ultimately overcoming the destructive behavior of high-level narcissists, whether they be lovers, co- workers, friends or parents. It s one thing to have a healthy self-esteem, but there are folks who we all know as self-absorbed, conceited, or egotistical. These people are trouble and this book is an excellent guide to deal with them."

Alan Caruba, BOOKVIEWS

"The high-level narcissist marches through his many geographies, conquering new territories, multiplying his limitless control of the outside world and the lives of those who touch his. Excited followers anticipate his mood and moves, praying for a favorable word or glance. The chosen dwell within his cercle d or, chanting hosannas to his greatness. While his audience is dazzled, the supernarcissist assesses each subject s worth to him.

He plays upon their proclivities and weaknesses. Despite the years you have known him, the hard work you have done, the love that you express, the sacrifices you have made, the intimacies you believe you shared-eventually the narcissist will cut you off at the knees, even attempt to destroy you if he perceives you as an obstacle to his feverish drive toward ultimate power, control and omnipotence." (from FREEING YOURSELF FROM THE NARCISSIST IN YOUR LIFE by Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.)

Does this description sound like anybody that you know? Your spouse? Your boss? Your co-worker? So, how does one recognize a "truly toxic narcissist?" According to this insightful book there are certain signs to look out for: "Displays an extreme sense of grandiosity and superiority. Is highly manipulative, exploitive, and deceptive in all of his relationships. Places his personal and professional needs over the needs of others. Is captivated by his delusions of limitless power and perfection. Easily lies without any qualm or guilt. Is incapable of true empathy-the ability to deeply feel and appreciate another person s emotional state."

It was my misfortune to work with a fellow who fit every single one of these descriptions. This book will help you to recognize this type of person before it is too late.

What makes them so dangerous? They only care about themselves.

Is this sounding familiar? Do you know one?"

--Daytondailynews.com