The Girl's Guide to Being a Boss (Without Being a Bitch): Valuable Lessons, Smart Suggestions, and True Stories for Succeeding as the Chick-in-Charge

Book by Caitlin Friedman Kimberly Yorio

one

you're a big girl now

FROM JUST ANOTHER EMPLOYEE TO CHICK-IN-CHARGE

Okay. So you're the boss now. The supervisor. The manager. The captain. The taskmaster. Those days of taking orders, running errands, and clock-watching are over forever. At last, you get to call the shots.

As exciting as all this might seem, once the rush of the promotion is over, you might be scratching your head wondering exactly what your new responsibilities entail. Many feel a little lost once we arrive at the grown-up table, not having had many positive managerial role models. Fear not. You know you can do the job; all you need is a little helpful advice to send you on your way.

Whether you supervise two as a shift manager or lord over an entire corporate empire, we will help you take the leap from mediocre to marvelous. And for those of you who are already running the show, we can help you lose that nickname "Bitch on Wheels" and become the leader your employees deserve.

We'll show you what it means to be queen: how to wield your ever-evolving bag of management tricks; discover what is expected of you; decide what you can reasonably expect of your team; and how to jump in and love every minute of your Head Honchoness.

good days and bad days: the good, bad, and ugly aspects of being a manager

Leading can be a daunting task. In some ways it can be positively thrilling. In others, it can be a big old pain in the ass. Just as the freedom, responsibility, and respect start to lift you to cloud nine, the paranoia, fear, and anxiety can bring you crashing back down to earth. Like all things, being the recognized leader can have its highs and lows. Here's a look at the lawns on both sides of the fence.

the good

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, MONEY!

We might be dreaming, but if you've gotten a promotion, we'd like to assume a nice, whopping raise came along with it. Hopefully you will never again have to struggle to make ends meet and face your credit card bills at the end of the month in tears. Even if the new job doesn't mean a giant windfall, being the boss should put you in a better financial position than you were in before. And if you're not, make sure you check out the sections in chapter 5 on fair pay and lobby for what you deserve.

PRINCESS OF POWER

Power is good. Making decisions that lead to positive outcomes is good. Making the calls, changing the rules, and forging decisions that may alter the course of the entire company can be great. Having the ultimate responsibility is positively thrilling. The bitch boss who throws her weight around, barks orders, and is generally focused on herself while making her employees miserable doesn't have to be you. Once you settle into your new role, you'll find that being the leader means you can be the manager who uplifts employees and gets real enjoyment from watching your colleagues grow and prosper. Building a team, working together, and teaching others will be hugely gratifying. At the end of the day, it can make you feel like a million bucks.

THE MORE YOU KNOW

While mentoring your dewy protégées, you yourself will be acquiring new information and facing fresh and exciting challenges every day. Learned knowledge changes us and makes us better mothers, friends, and businesswomen. Growing professionally can be empowering and give you a broader perspective on both the world and your place within it. The more you know the better off you are, both intellectually and resume wise. Don't forget the journey to becoming a great leader is a lifelong one.

YOUR MOM WILL BE PROUD

Ultimately, if you succeed, the prestige and glow of success will make all the mistakes and missteps worthwhile. There is no greater feeling in the world than a job well done.

the bad

TRAINING ANYONE?

The sad reality is there's never enough training offered to employees. Even among the companies that have well-established training programs, there will be plenty of times when you just don't know what to do. You would think that when a new person is hired they would be handed all the necessary tools to do a job effectively. Maybe the person before you fled the job or was fired, and the people who remain don't really know what she did. Perhaps everyone is too busy to sit down and go through your job in detail. Whatever the reason, your training will probably consist of "Here's your office. Good luck." It's up to you to figure out how to achieve your goals using the best resource you have--your staff.

IT'S LONELY AT THE TOP

For all of the positive things your new role as a manager can bring, the scariest one is the isolation you will feel as the woman at the top of the corporate ladder. You have the responsibility to make your team a success, and if it fails, you take the blame. Gone are the days when you can be everyone's gal pal. No more shuffling off to the lunchroom to spend an hour shooting the breeze about the latest episode of Desperate Housewives. When asked the biggest mistake that new managers make, 90 percent of the women whom we interviewed replied that they tried to be liked. You are not there to be anyone's friend. You are in the leadership role to provide the tools and environment that your team needs to accomplish their goals. If the team is not accomplishing the goals, with all the appropriate support, then you, new manager, will have to reprimand and maybe terminate team members who aren't measuring up. This power that you gain when promoted will separate you from your team.

KEEP THE PERSONAL, PERSONAL AND NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT

This is a tough one. No matter how bad it gets, no matter what kind of a day you're having, you absolutely, positively cannot freak out. It doesn't matter if your car died in the middle of the interstate on the way to work, or that you just found out your husband has been having an affair. Your personal problems should not come into the workplace. At Ann's first job as an assistant, her boss was trying to adopt a baby. She had a special cell phone just for potential birth mothers to call. When her boss was in a meeting, Ann was required to man the baby phone. If a potential birth mother called, Ann would have to chase down her boss. If her boss couldn't be disturbed, she would have to interview the potential birth mother and try to schedule a time for a callback. Ann was honored at the amount of trust put in her by her boss, but scared to death that if she messed up the baby phone, not only was she jeopardizing her job, she could potentially cause her boss to lose the baby she was so desperately trying to get. While adopting a baby was obviously the priority for her boss, it was unfair to make it Ann's responsibility.

THE BUCK STOPS WITH YOU

The team's problems are now your problems--individually and collectively. As a matter of fact, everyone's problems become your problems. If a member of your group has a sick child and can't be there for the ten o'clock meeting with the biggest client, then you have to figure out a way to cover for her without the client ever knowing. If your top account executive loses the biggest account, and your department won't make its numbers, then you will have to find a replacement account or shrink the team to cover the shortfall. And at the very least, you will have to take the heat from your management. If someone on your team opens an e-mail from her boyfriend that infects your entire office with a virus, erasing all your records from the last five years, then you and the IT department have a very big problem. No more hiding until the storm blows over. It will be your responsibility to mobilize the team, board up the windows, and evacuate.

DISCIPLINE, WRITE-UPS, AND THE PINK SLIP

Delivering bad news is never easy; deciding to severely impact someone's livelihood by terminating them because they can't cut the mustard, just plain sucks. We've devoted almost an entire upcoming chapter to the f-word, firing.

the ugly

NOWHERE TO GO BUT DOWN

With each step you climb up the corporate ladder, the farther down you will go if you fall off. You will exist in constant fear of living up to expectations (although the rest of the group shouldn't know it), getting the job done effectively, and accomplishing the team's goals. The higher you go, the more you're under scrutiny from the ones beneath you who think they can do your job better and the ones above you who think they are paying you too much. If you don't create positive relationships from the get-go, those go-getters will take every opportunity to prove that they are more suited to your job. We're not suggesting you become paranoid, but suggest that you remain aware of the changing dynamics of your senior position. In an upcoming chapter, we will explore why management experts recommend forging relationships with those above, below and equal to you in the organization.

THE RAP SHEET: CELLULOID BITCH BOSSES

KILL BILL (2003)--Lucy Liu as O-Ren Ishii, the Evil Crime Boss of Tokyo's Underworld. When one of her peers questions her leadership, she cuts his head off without missing a beat.

Lesson: You need to have an open door policy for all your employees so they can speak their minds. Firing or reprimanding someone just for disagreeing with you is unacceptable.

DISCLOSURE (1994)--Demi Moore as Meredith Johnson. She comes on to her employee, then acts like he sexually harassed her. Evil ensues through lies and cover-ups.

Lesson: Never, ever, ever, ever hit on or flirt with an employee, and never use sex to leverage your power. Granted, Demi's problems in this movie go deeper than that, but your own sexuality should never come into play in the workplace.

WORKING GIRL (1988)--Sigourney Weaver as Katharine Parker. Steals her employee's idea, then gets it in the end when her employee steals her life.

Lesson...