The Tricky Part: One Boy's Fall From Trespass Into Grace
Langue : anglais
Edité par Beacon Press, 2005
- Livre relié
- Neuf
Vendeur : SZ Global, Toronto, ON, CanadaSZ Global
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Ajouter au panierA propos de cet article
Between the ages of twelve and fifteen, Martin Moran had a sexual relationship with an older man, a counselor he'd met at a Catholic boys' camp. Almost thirty years later, at the age of forty-two, he set out to find and face his abuser. The Tricky Part tells the story of this relationship and its complex effect on the man Moran became. He grew up in an exemplary Irish Catholic family?his great aunt was a cloistered nun; his father, a newspaper reporter. They might have lived in the Denver neighborhood of Virginia Vale, but they belonged to Christ the King, the church and school up the hill. And the lessons Martin absorbed, as a good Catholic boy, were filled with the fraught mysteries of the spirit and the flesh. Into that world came Bob?a Vietnam vet carving a ranch-camp out of the mountain wilderness, showing the boys under his care how to milk cows, mend barbed wire fence, and raft rivers. He drove a six-wheeled International Harvester truck; he could read the stars like a map. He also noticed a young boy who seemed a little unsure of himself, and he introduced that boy to the secret at the center of bodies.Told with startling candor and disarming humor, The Tricky Part carries us to the heart of a paradox?that what we think of as damage may be the very thing that gives rise to transformation, even grace.'Martin Moran has written a story about difficult, painful and deeply personal events in his life with uncommon generosity and decency. The story is shocking, even brutal, but I felt cleansed at its end. He has found compassion where I would have thought there was none. When art does that, it enriches us, and his book is art.'?Terrence McNally, Tony Award?winning author of Frankie and Johnny in the Clair de Lune'A beautiful book. Martin Moran is a graceful, witty, perceptive writer, remarkably brave, free of self-pity?his spirit, manifest on every page, is discerning and generous to the point of radiance. He's a scrupulous and precise rememberer and explorer, and because he refuses simplification for the sake of judgment and yet insists on the necessity of rendering judgment, The Tricky Part is fully human, unsettling and wise.'?Tony Kushner, author of Angels in America'Those of us?and we are legion?whose innocence has not been lost so much as taken, have a choice. We can remain children and insist on a black and white vision of perpetrators and victims, or, like Martin Moran, we can grow up. We can arrive at the understanding that love is only as pure, or as whole, or as beautiful, as the always imperfect beings who offer and demand it.'?Kathryn Harrison, author of The Kiss'Martin Moran not only writes unflinchingly about the sexual abuse of a child, he expands it into a meditation on suffering, despair, forgiveness, redemption, and the mysterious workings of grace. He elevates the confessional to the level of art.'?Michael Cunningham, author of The Hours'Martin Moran has written an account of a childhood at once conventional and nearly unfathomable. A deep, tempered spirit shines through every page, by turns understated and dazzling, wildly comic and gut wrenching.'?Nick Flynn, author of Another Bullshit Night in Suck City 'A tender, searingly honest, and heartbreaking account of the legacy of sexual violation. Moran bravely unveils the tricky part: the paradoxical worlds of longing and shame, the erotic and the reviled, the profane and the sacred all living in one act, one man, one life. Gorgeously written, the book is a divine literary and spiritual exorcism.'?Eve Ensler, author of The Vagina Monologues'In an age where reality television exploits intimacy, and tell-all autobiographies have become endemic, Martin Moran's book restores faith in the literary memoir. In documenting his troubling childhood relationship with a much older man, he eschews ready sensationalism and?instead?bravely articulates the complexities that color even the most taboo relationships. And he accomplishes it all with a prose style that is rich.…
N° de réf. du vendeur 9780807072622
- Titre
- The Tricky Part: One Boy's Fall From Trespass Into Grace
- Auteur
- Martin Moran
- Éditeur
- Beacon Press
- Année de publication
- 2005
- État de l'article
- New
- Reliure
- Hardcover
- Langue
- anglais
- ISBN à 10 chiffres
- 0807072621
- ISBN à 13 chiffres
- 9780807072622
« Synopsis » peut appartenir à une autre édition de cet ouvrage.
Extrait
March 28, 2002. It's Holy Thursday. That's Catholic for three days before Easter, and I'm in Las Vegas. I've come from my home in New York City to visit my father. We're at Vons, a fluorescent grocery store roughly the size of Manhattan, waiting in line to pay for pork chops. There's a bank of slot machines near the exit clanging away, and I find, as I do each time I come to this desert city, that I'm in shock to think it's here Dad's retired and will likely die.
There, on a rack in the checkout line, on the cover of Time magazine, is a gray and ominous drawing of the back of a bishop and these words: Can the Catholic Church Save Itself? The headlines of the scandal are everywhere at the moment. It's an uprising, the body of Mother Church erupting with such force that the shock waves are reverberating, at long last, all the way up to her head. Cardinal Law will resign before the year is out. I reach for a copy of the magazine.
"Jesus, that's been goin' on for a thousand years," my father says, jutting a finger at Time. "Did I ever tell you what happened to your aunt when she was little?"
"No, Dad."
"Father Murray, the basement of St. Bede's. I don't know what went on, but thank God the janitor happened by. I never knew anything about it until your aunt refused to let Murray say your grandmother's funeral mass."
I say to my dad, "Wow," but nothing else, because suddenly I'm riveted by a photo, page twenty-eight, of Father Kos and a Dallas boy, age twelve, who killed himself at twenty-one. I know the story of Kos and his altar boys; I'd cut every clip of it from the papers in '98 and stuck them in the thick file I keep under my desk. I'd read about the young men who'd gone to court and were awarded millions and the promise of a public apology from the Archdiocese of Dallas. I can recall the New York Times photo of them, handsome and courageous in their suits and ties, sitting at a table, along with one stricken mother who was there on behalf of her deceased son. I'd seen all this but I'd never, until this moment, seen the face--God, the face--of the boy who shot himself dead. His tiny-toothed smile, the light in his eyes, are absolutely haunting. He's in altar-boy frocks, all white, and the arm of the man with the Roman collar is slung behind his slim shoulders.
"Do you want me to buy that for you?" my father asks. I look into his kind old face and wonder, again, what it would mean, what it would be like, to tell him the story.
"No thanks, Dad, I'll get it."
This story that will not let me go.
April 1, 2002. Easter Monday. I've left my dad in Vegas and I'm in Los Angeles to visit my goddaughter; maybe pick up some acting work. I'm headed south, or possibly east, in the haze of the Hollywood Freeway when my cell phone gives three bleeps. A message. Maybe a job. One hand firmly on the wheel, I press voicemail, put the thing to my ear.
Marty, it's Bob C-- (I hit the brake. The SUV behind me honks). I got your letter saying you'd be traveling West. I'd dearly love to see you. I'm at the Veterans Hospital in LA. Here's my number....
I take the next exit and come to a stop in the glare of a 7-Eleven parking lot, stunned that he's alive, that my letter actually found him.
I'd lost all track of Bob. I'd spoken to him once, by phone, nine years before when I was on a visit to Denver, my hometown. I'd sat, I remember, on the edge of my mother's bed, next to the phone, possessed suddenly by the idea of contacting him. My fingers had trembled as I dialed the number I'd just searched for and found. I was shocked when he picked up right away. We had a curt conversation: It does no good to dwell on the past, he'd said. I've made my peace with God. I hope you do too. Then he'd given me his address, saying that I should write. Numb, I'd jotted it down on the back of a housepainter's business card that was sitting on my mother's nightstand and stuck it in my wallet. Where it remained until, a few weeks before taking this trip West, gripped again with the idea of finding him, I called once more. Disconnected. No address. No further information. He must be dead, I figured, or moved long ago. I'd waited too many years. I mailed a note anyway with a Please Forward to the old address--some little town in California. I never imagined I'd hear from him, let alone that we'd ever be in the same place at the same time.
I pick up my cell and half dial him, hang up. Half dial, hang up. Come on, I tell myself, do it. Just do it. He answers on the second ring:
"Hello."
The pitch, the tenor of his voice enters my body like a lance. Him, after all these years. Him, reduced to a little human hum across a wireless. Very businesslike, we arrange to meet.
Thursday, April 4, 2002, the morning of the meeting.
My old high school friend, Jodi, prints out directions from her house in North Hollywood to the Veterans' Complex off Sepulveda Boulevard. "Good luck, Mart," she says. "Wring his friggin' neck for me."
Jodi is quick to fury on this subject, which always sets me to wondering about anger. My own anger, whatever, wherever it is, feels lost or buried somehow in complicity, I think. As if having wanted, allowed, has squelched any right I have to wrath or innocence. I remember when I first told Jodi all that happened, she looked at me with such pity that I blurted: "Hey, doll, I'm OK. It's not like the guy murdered me, calm down." "I'm so sorry that happened to you," she said, and I watched as she glanced across the room at her child, and the worry that flashed over her face told me I'd lived her idea of a parent's nightmare. And then I think of another friend who, when I shared the story said, "Oh, my ... weren't you a lucky little boy." When he said it, I laughed like a lunatic.
It's a gorgeous day.
Bob's instructions take me to a red-roofed convalescent home. I park the car. I get out and walk past the well-kept lawns and palm trees. A pretty place for mending, I think.
I ask for C--, please?
Crisp and smiling, the nurse points to the elevator. "Second floor, dear."
"Thank you."
First I step into the men's room for a pee, for a breath. I stand in a stall and take from my pocket two double-A batteries. I'd meant to do this in the car. Forgot. So, standing there in front of a toilet, I snap them into my little tape recorder like a lousy spy. I don't really know why I'm doing this. It's as if I'm afraid that without a record I'll forget everything or never believe any of it actually happened. As I snap the batteries in, I'm thinking: This is rude. Maybe illegal, immoral ... fuck it. I stick the recorder in my jacket pocket and catch myself in the mirror above the sink and break into a crazy grin.
The corridor is long, hospital-white. There are two to a room. I check the names, scrawled in black marker, tucked beneath plastic next to each door. Dazed-looking vets are everywhere. Some walking silently, wheeling IVs. Some staring out the window. The long hair, the age, say Vietnam. As I walk I rehearse lines in my head, afraid I'll go blank when I see him.
Do you remember the last time I saw you?
Bob, who was it, exactly, who sent you to prison?
And then the door is open and I'm thinking there must be a mistake because it's his name there but I don't recognize either person in the room.
In the far bed, a dark-skinned man is coughing up what appears to be part of his lunch. In the nearer bed, sitting up, is a plump person with a mop of white hair who looks to be someone's grandmother. My first thought is: Are there women vets here? There must be, I figure, but wait, it is a man and he--like everyone else--is wearing a rose-colored frock, prison-like, with faint numbers stenciled above the breast pocket. He's holding a plastic fork, poking at broccoli. Slowly, the face revolves toward the door, blinks once.
"Are you Marty?"
I nod. His voice, no question.
"I never would have recognized you," he says, and in that instant, like a shift from blurred to sharp, I get him. Exactly. Under the mop of grandmother hair I apprehend the features of the vigorous, thirty-year-old man I once knew. This is him, the guy who taught me about Buckminster Fuller and geodesic domes. This is the guy who took me glacier sliding. It was the summer after seventh grade, on a raft trip. He led a group of us campers into some Wyoming peaks and we came across a huge glacier and he said to all the boys: "OK, OK, climb up and slide down!" Everyone was terrified. Nobody moved, and Bob whispered into my ear: "I know you can do it." And I just turned and climbed and climbed. It must have been a quarter-mile long, this thing. I got to the top and tied my jacket around my butt and all the other guys linked arms at the bottom of the glacier to keep me from slamming into the rocks. It was insane. I screamed the whole way down and they caught me! I was king for a day. Brave, for once. This is the guy who woke me late one night at the mountain ranch and said: "Hey, come with me, Marty, you gotta see this." He grabbed a lantern and took me to the barn. The vet had come in the middle of the night to help deliver a calf. Bob and the vet had their arms all up in there because the cow was in trouble and suddenly this rickety-legged creature covered with goop and blood came out. Lying there on the barn floor ... alive! And Bob turned to me and smiled and I felt so lucky to be there, to see something so real.
"I don't want to interrupt your lunch," I tell him.
"No, no. It's OK."
He keeps blinking at me through these large, gold-framed glasses. I think of moving in to shake his hand but that seems ridiculous and we're in a freeze like, what? Victim facing perpetrator? Or like estranged ex's. Ex-altar boy, ex-almost seminarian, ex-friends? enemies? lovers? I don't know. Definitions fail, bleed one into the other. I watch him lay his fork on a paper napkin and I ask,
"How are you?"
"You're catching me at a pretty down time." His eyes are green, he's looking right at me but there's not a glimmer in there and I think: Jeez, the light's been bludgeoned out of this guy or maybe he's on something--antipain, antidepressant.
"What happened?" I point to his right foot, which is enormous, wrapped in white gauze up to the knee like the limb of a mummy.
"Oh, bad infection. They had to amputate a little."
"Wow, sorry."
"Ah, well," he says. "Stepped on a stupid screw in the driveway. Life." He shrugs, chuckles. "I've got diabetes. You remember how I liked my Coca-Cola."
"Yep. I do." I glance toward the hall, wanting to move outside, somewhere private.
"You look good," he says. "Your dad had quite a belly by your age."
I'm thrown at his mention, his memory, of my father, who he met, I think, maybe twice. I start chattering.
"Well, I'm an actor and the work's very physical, keeps me fit." In my skull I feel the buzz of words and how they're utterly weightless and how it's our bodies that are grave somehow, communicating, catching up. For my bones the whole experience isn't thirty years away but three feet.
"I see," he says. "You work in the theater, then?"
"Yeah. Uh-huh. Some TV. Plays and musicals sometimes. I sing and ..." Christ, Marty, I think, why not just give him an uptune and a ballad? Lord, he's got just the lost, ugly mug you'd expect in a news item on pedophiles--pasty pale, geeky glasses. "It's always eight shows a week, very rigorous ..." This sharp lament moves through me as I think how much the course of my days has been affected by this broken being in front of me. "But Broadway pays pretty well, when you can get it."
I watch him push, with an index finger, his glasses up the bridge of his nose, then scoop his bangs to the right. The gesture (exactly as I remember it) sends a tremble through my chest. It's as if I'm forty-two and twelve at once.
"Are you in New York?"
"Yes, I've been in Manhattan twenty years now." This sentence, somehow, gives me a sense of center, of pride. "I live there with my ... my boyfriend, Henry. We've been together for seventeen years." I want him to know, I realize, that I'm all right, that I've found success, stability. "Do you remember the last time we saw each other?"
"I do," he whispers, dropping his head, tripling his chin. "You were, what? Fifteen? You drove all the way to my place in Sunshine Canyon without a license. We sat by my empty fireplace and you told me you were ashamed that we'd ever met and that you never wanted to see me again."
I'm stunned and, oddly, flattered that he remembers it--the scene, my words--exactly as I do. It seems to say that it, that I, meant a lot to him. Is that what I've come for? I wonder. To see if I'm as vivid for him as he's been for me? That I wasn't just another little boy, an easy target, who gave it up to him?
"That tore my heart out," he says. "I curled into a shell that night after you left, for nearly two months."
He's speaking the truth, it seems. Or is he playing me? The confusion feels familiar. I finger the button of my recorder but don't push. I'm afraid it will click too loudly.
"Did you know, Bob, that this weekend will be thirty years exactly since we first actually met? April 7, 1972."
"Oh, I'm not aware." He shakes his head so that his hair falls back into his eyes. "Dates are fuzzy. I couldn't say the exact--"
"Oh, I can," I tell him. The man in the other bed coughs. He is watching a TV fixed high on the wall. I"m concerned he might hear me, and then I try not to care: "It was three months after my twelfth birthday. Except for my head, I didn't have hair on my body. I didn't know a thing, barely what a wet dream might be."
"Let's go outside," he says, scooting across the bed toward his wheelchair. "Let's go outside."
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SURVIVAL. In the event any provision of the Order or this Agreement is held by a tribunal of competent jurisdiction to be contrary to the law, the remaining provisions of the Order or this Agreement will remain in full force and effect. All sections herein relating to payment, ownership, confidentiality, indemnification and duties of defense, representations and warranties, waiver, waiver of jury trial and provisions which by their terms extend beyond the Term shall survive the termination of the Order and this Agreement.
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ENTIRE AGREEMENT. The Order, this Agreement and the operative provisions of any quotation issued by Supplier and any purchase order issued by Buyer, sets forth the entire agreement and understanding among the parties as to the subject matter hereof, and merges and supersedes all prior discussions, agreements, and understandings of every and any nature among them. No proposal, purchase order, order confirmation, acceptance, or any other document provided by either Party to the other, nor any electronic click-wrap, terms of use or similar online consent or acceptance language accompanying or set forth as a prerequisite to any electronic interface or utility associated with any Work, shall be deemed to amend the terms hereof and any such contradictory or additional terms shall be ineffective. No party shall be bound by any condition, definition, warranty, or representations, other than as expressly set forth or provided for in the Order or this Agreement, or as may be, on or subsequent to the date hereof set forth in writing and signed by the party to be bound thereby. In the event of any ambiguity or conflict between any of the terms and conditions contained in this Agreement and the terms and conditions contained in an Order, the terms and conditions of this Agreement shall control, unless the Parties have expressly provided in such Order that a specific provision in this Agreement is amended, in which case this Agreement shall be so amended, but only with respect to such Order. The Order or this Agreement may not be amended, supplemented, changed, or modified, except by agreement in writing signed by the parties to be bound thereby.
Droit de rétractation
Si vous êtes un consommateur, vous pouvez exercer votre droit de rétractation sur le contrat conformément à ce qui suit. Le mot « consommateur » désigne toute personne physique agissant à des fins qui n'entrent pas dans le cadre de son activité commerciale, artisanale ou professionnelle.
Informations concernant le droit de rétractation
Droit statutaire de rétractation
Vous avez le droit d'exercer votre droit de rétractation sur ce contrat dans les 14 jours sans donner de raison.
Le délai de rétractation expirera au bout de 14 jours à compter du jour où vous-même, ou un tiers autre que le transporteur et désigné par vous, prendrez physiquement possession de la dernière marchandise, du dernier lot ou de la dernière pièce.
Pour exercer votre droit de rétractation, remplissez électroniquement et envoyez une déclaration claire sur notre site Web, sous « Vos achats » dans « Votre compte ». Nous vous communiquerons sans délai un accusé de réception de cette rétractation sur un support durable (par exemple, par e-mail).
Pour respecter le délai de rétractation, il vous suffit d'envoyer votre message concernant l'exercice de votre droit de rétractation avant l'expiration du délai de rétractation.
Effets de la rétractation
Si vous exercez votre droit de rétractation sur ce contrat, nous vous rembourserons tous les paiements que vous avez effectués, y compris les frais de livraison (à l'exception des frais supplémentaires résultant du choix d'un mode de livraison autre que le type de livraison standard le moins cher que nous proposons).
Nous pouvons déduire du remboursement la perte de valeur de toute marchandise livrée, si la perte est le résultat d'une manipulation inutile de votre part.
Nous effectuerons le remboursement dans les meilleurs délais, et au plus tard 14 jours après le jour où nous aurons été informés de votre décision d'exercer votre droit de rétractation sur ce contrat.
Nous effectuerons le remboursement en utilisant le même moyen de paiement que celui que vous avez utilisé pour la transaction initiale, sauf si vous en avez expressément convenu autrement ; en tout état de cause, aucuns frais ne vous seront facturés à la suite d'un tel remboursement.
Nous pouvons suspendre le remboursement jusqu'à ce que nous ayons reçu les marchandises ou que vous ayez fourni la preuve que vous avez renvoyé les marchandises, en fonction de la première éventualité.
Vous devez renvoyer les marchandises ou les remettre à SZ Global, Toronto, Ontario, Canada, sans retard injustifié et, en tout état de cause, au plus tard 14 jours à compter du jour où vous nous avez communiqué votre décision de rétractation du présent contrat. Le délai est respecté si vous renvoyez les marchandises avant l'expiration du délai de 14 jours. Vous devrez prendre en charge les frais directs du renvoi des marchandises. Vous n'êtes responsable que de toute diminution de valeur des marchandises résultant d'une manipulation autre que celle nécessaire pour établir la nature, les caractéristiques et le fonctionnement des marchandises.
Exceptions au droit de rétractation
Le droit de rétractation ne s'applique pas à ce qui suit :
- Distribution de journaux, de revues ou de magazines, à l'exception des contrats d'abonnement ; et
- Fourniture d'un contenu numérique qui n'est pas fourni sur un support matériel (par exemple, sur un CD ou un DVD) si vous avez accepté, lors de votre commande, que nous puissions commencer à le livrer et que vous ne puissiez pas exercer votre droit de rétractation une fois la livraison commencée.
Conditions d'expédition
Returns Policy
You may return most new, unopened items within 15 days of the Estimated Delivery Date for a full refund. We'll also pay the return shipping costs if the return is a result of our error (you received an incorrect or defective item, etc.).
Any customer wishing to return a book has 30 days to do so if they are not entirely satisfied.
You should expect to receive your refund within three weeks of giving your package to the return shipper, however, in many cases you will receive a refund more quickly. This time period includes the transit time for us to receive your return from the shipper (5 to 10 business days), the time it takes us to process your return once we receive it (3 to 5 business days), and the time it takes your bank to process our refund request (5 to 10 business days).
If you need to return an item, please Contact Us with your order number and details about the product you would like to return. We will respond quickly with instructions for how to return items from your order.
Shipping
We can ship to virtually any address in the world. Note that there are restrictions on some products, and some products cannot be shipped to international destinations.
When you place an order, we will estimate shipping and delivery dates for you based on the availability of your items and the shipping options you choose. Depending on the shipping provider you choose, shipping date estimates may appear on the shipping quotes page.
Please also note that the shipping rates for many items we sell are weight-based. The weight of any such item can be found on its detail page. To reflect the policies of the shipping companies we use, all weights will be rounded up to the next full pound.